Okay, guys, sorry about the (really) long break. In fact, I won't be posting this anymore, so you you can stop checking the site every ten minutes (like you do that anyway). The fact is, dear readers, that I've been a little busy with writing other things and am currently debating whether or not to write this again as a novel. I'd have to cut out a lot of the useless scenes (who really cares about Caroline anyway?) and it would probably be a bit different (but at least we'd get to meet Adam's big brother). Tell me what you think and keep feeding the fish!

Thanks a lot everyone.

The sophomore dorms were much nicer than my freshman ones had been. I suppose it was to encourage students to come back the next year to see what kind of living space they would get, but I couldn't help thinking that this room, that looked a bit like a five star hotel room, was over the top.

"Settling in nicely?" Neil said, sitting on the mahogany window seat covered with tasseled pillows in many shades of red.

"I might be if this place didn't look so expensive." I said, packing my clothes into the matching dresser. "It reminds me of your chateau."

"Just wait until you see the English castle." He said, smiling broadly. "That place is extravagance like you commoners have never seen before."

Background check, for everyone who needs it.

Name: Cornelius Algernon Theodoric Blake

Position: The filthy rich first son of Bernard Blake, heir to several important businesses and my roommate

Likes: Collecting swords, playing the guitar, reading

Dislikes: His family's insanity, Adam's clubs, homework (but he always does it anyway)

I threw a wad of socks at him, which he easily blocked with a forearm. I guess it was a conditioned response, since his father (who was under the impression that he was a Shaolin monk) and he often had sparring matches as a way to say hello.

There was a knock on our door, and was then thrown open by an identical pair of our fellow classmates.

Name: Hans and Frans Bachmeier

Position: Twins. Father owns some German companies, breweries, and many houses.

Likes: Cars, girls, and wreaking havoc

Dislikes: Being separated, 'Oma's' wrath, having to follow rules

"Yo, Ethan." Hans (or Frans, because I still couldn't tell them apart) said, giving me a friendly slap on the back. The other one jumped onto my bed (which was the closest one to the door) and kicked off his roller blades.

"How was Germany?" I asked, rubbing my back because that friendly slap was really hard.

They shrugged in perfect unison. "Decent."

"Have any of you seen my roommate?" A British accent asked from the open doorway, and there stood Edmund, his dark hair perfectly combed and teeth unnaturally white. He pushed his glasses up his nose and whipped out a vibrating cellphone. "I told you." he said into it. "I don't want to hear from her for three months. And fix the records we talked about by five o' clock or there'll be hell to pay."

Name: Edmund Griffins

Position: Orphan. Seems to be in charge of a lot of things, but I'm not quite sure what he does. Baron of Devonshire

Likes: Order, being in charge, money

Dislikes: Noisy girls, ugly women, having to reschedule

Edmund hung up and looked into our room. "Still not unpacked? Classes start Monday, I'm afraid. Better get to it. But if you haven't seen my frivolous room--" He stopped, because Taki, the person in question, had just arrived.

Name: Taki Nakamura

Position: Heir to a major Japanese company

Likes: Fried rice, honorifics, Ethan

Dislikes: Women, particularly his fiances (He has so many he keeps a list of their names with key facts about them)

"Ethan!" He exclaimed when he say me, holding out his arms and rushing towards me, like he was going to give me a hug, but Frans put a foot out and caught him in the forehead.

"Hey Taki." I finished stuffing my shirts into drawers and went on to hanging up my school uniform. "Enjoy Japan?"

"I was so lonely." He said, pulling up the winged armchair. "I really missed everyone, especially you, Ethan."

"I'm flattered." I replied.

"And we're hungry." The twins said together. "We're going to eat."

(More back to school coming later:))

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART SEVEN

It's never easy to get up in the morning, especially when you're extra tired from staying up late, but I had no choice that morning. Ray shook me awake with such strength, you'd have thought he wasn't a cute seven year old boy, or however old he was. "Ethan." He said as my eyelids fluttered open and I gave a little moan of protest. "Papa wants to see to you."

I sat up. This whole time at the Blake's estate, and I had barely even seen the master of the house, let alone had the chance to speak to him. I wondered what it was about. "Give me five minutes to get ready." I said and hopped out of the bed.

"Okay." Ray looked to have no intention of leaving. I guess that guys really didn't think other guys minded seeing them change clothes. I tried to think of a way to politely tell Ray to leave, but Butterfly, ever present by the boy's side said, in his seldom-used voice. "Let's go."

Ray looked up at Butterfly. "Breakfast?"

Butterfly nodded.

"Okay. Bye, Ethan. Daddy's in the greenhouse." He turned to Butterfly. "Can I have strawberries?"

They left, and I threw on a fresh set of clothes. I wasn't quite sure where the greenhouse was, but I was hoping to run into a maid or butler who could point me in the right direction. It seemed, however, that everyone had the morning off, and I wandered though the vast, winding halls of the chateau until I began to wonder if whatever Bernard Blake had to say was worth getting thoroughly lost.

Then I heard voices coming from a room. I peeked through the keyhole, not wanting to open the door on anyone in the midst of a thrilling conversation, when I recognized the pants and voices of Neil and Adam.

The latter spoke. "You're a pretty smart kid, aren't you?"

This didn't seem important, so I put my hand on the knob, just in time to hear Neil say, "I'm not gay, if that's what you're asking."

I paused. I wasn't about to disrupt this just for the sake of learning where the greenhouse was. I thought about continuing my search elsewhere, but I really couldn't resist hearing just a bit more.

"I wasn't. Well, sort of." I watched Adam's pants (I couldn't see higher than their waists from looking through the key hole) move to stand closer to Neil's pants. "You know, right?"

"I know everything."

Adam laughed.

"But the real question is, how much do you know?" Neil asked. "I know you know, but since when?"

"Longer than you, I'm sure."

"How can you be? I mean, I knew after about five minutes."

"Well, it doesn't matter." Adam sighed. "You had a handicap."

Neil began to protest, but Adam stopped him. "So you aren't stupid."

My hand slipped on the doorknob, and the door swung open.

"Ethan!" Adam and Neil said together in the tone of one caught in the act of putting tacks on a teacher's chair.

"I...um...well...the greenhouse."

Neil breathed a sigh of relief. "You got lost. No worries. Happens all the time. Come with me." He came over to the doorway and began to lead me out, before turning back to Adam, still looking a bit like he'd put his foot in his mouth. "I'm not stupid, Adam." He put a hand on my shoulder and led me away.

When we got to the greenhouse, it was empty, though Mr. Blake had so kindly left an envelope with a sheet of paper inside. I tried to read it, but the handwriting was so bad that both Neil and I gave up.

So much for waking up early.

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART SIX

The day after Neil's birthday was boring by comparison to the party before. It was my last day in France before Cecelia and I were shipped back to America, and, after spending the morning eating a gigantic brunch with the Blake family, I spent the rest of the day doing something I like to call 'blobbing out.' I catnapped and watched TV until supper, which was a less extravagant affair than breakfast, during which Ray ate only cake and Geoffrey made a palace out of silverware. He said it represented his inner stronghold. Everyone just ignored him.

I wasn't tired that night, due to my naps. I texted Cecelia for a while, until, around eleven o' clock, she came up with an idea.

"Want to go swimming?" She asked.

"Isn't it a nude beach?"

"So what? Everyone's gone by now."

"What if someone catches us?"

"Then we run for it. Come on, it'll be fun."

So that's why, at eleven thirty, I found myself sneaking out of the Blake chateau. I did get caught by the security guards, twice in fact, but after I explained that I was just going swimming, and I was a guest at the house, they let me go.

Cecelia was waiting for me. "Ready?" She asked.

I looked at the ocean, the light of the moon reflecting off it, making the water look like molten silver. I smelled the salt in the air, felt the sand shifting under my bare feet, and nodded.

Skinny dipping was not something I was ready to repeat any time soon, but it was tremendous fun, in a giggly, girly, my-stomach-so-needs-a-tan sort of way. Cecelia and I splashed through the water, frolicking like children, dancing in and out of the waves.

"I wish there were some hot guys here." Cecelia said.

"Tell me something I don't know." I agreed, laughing.

"I want to screw Butterfly."

"WHAT!"

"You told me to tell you something you don't know."

I sighed. "He may be hot, CC, but he doesn't talk."

"The strong and silent type..." Cecelia mused.

"I don't know if he likes girls." I told her. "I mean, I've never seen him with a girlfriend or anything."

"Is he gay?"

"I don't think so. But isn't his relationship with Ray a little weird?"

"Gay incest?"

"Actually no." A voice that I really didn't want to hear said from behind us. "He's just friend, parent, nanny, and big brother in one person." Adam explained as Cecelia shrieked and we both dropped into the water.

"Adam!" I shouted. "What are you doing here?"

"Just out for a midnight stroll." He said, though he was turning red almost as fast as a traffic light. "I'll be going now. Carry on."

And he walked off.

"There really is a god." Cecelia said happily, looking up at the spangled heavens. "I ask for hot guys, and, poof, Adam Eyecandy appears."

"I'm leaving." I told her. Stupid Adam, always ruining my fun. "I'm just going to wait until 'Mr. Eyecandy has gone."

Unfortunately, after Adam had disappeared into the darkness, another figure came into view. Even though his face was thrown into shadow, you couldn't miss the mask.

"I'm not going to tell you to put clothes on." He said as he neared. "But I think it highly inadvisable to remain as you are in the presence of dangerous men."

"Are you referring to yourself?" I asked rudely.

"Is there any other men in the vicinity, or does your friend share your cross dressing tendencies."

"I'm a girl." Cecelia shouted form deeper water.

"That's what they all say." The Second Violin winked at me. "So, Nathi, are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"When are you thinking about arriving at school?"

"I'm not sure yet. Hey, can we have this conversation when...you know...I'm dressed."

The Second Violin bowed apologetically. "I'm sorry." He said sarcastically. "Does this make you uncomfortable?"

"Shut up."

"I was the one who told you to get dressed."

"I'd have to get out of the water to get my towel." I explained, pointing to my striped beach towel out of reach from the waves.

"Have you been practicing this summer, Nathi." The Second Violin asked.

"Can't we talk about this later?" I asked again.

"Right. I forgot." He tapped his head. "Selective memory."

"Go away."

The Second Violin flashed me a big smile and left.

"What, exactly, was that?" Cecelia said, wrapping herself in her towel.

"A perfect sample of the average attendees at Lakewood Academy. Can't you just wait for school to start again?"

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART FIVE

The Blake chateau had been totally redone on the inside. Cecelia and I descended the huge marble staircase into a room full of well dressed people sipping champagne. I was reminded of the party scene from The Sound of Music, but didn't have much time to dwell upon it, for I had to decline the hors d'oeures offered to me by a waiter and looked up to find that Cecelia had crossed the room and was now chatting with Benjamin, who was quite cute, if you looked at him from a distance.

Neil looked amazing in his black tuxedo. It was the first time I had seen him all day, and the sight of him made me want to sequel with girlish pleasure, but I had to refrain from it. I tried to get in the line forming to shake his hand, but I literally ran into a short figure moving in the opposite direction.

"Sorry." I said automatically and looked down.

"So, are you a guy or a girl?" Simon, a boy I had met earlier this summer, asked, looking up at me. He was my age, but looked about eleven years old. Apparently, he was some child prodigy and liked my androgynous qualities. "Never mind. Don't tell me." He raised and hand and put it on my chest. "Yep, you're a girl."

"Hey!" I slapped his hand away. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"What is the fuss about? I'm going to marry you anyway. And I'd also like to add that I'm glad I'm marrying a girl."

Oh yeah, Simon had been my first ever marriage proposal. "I hardly even know you." I told him. "I'm not going to marry someone I don't know."

Simon opened his mouth to convince me otherwise, but Benjamin arrived holding two champagne flutes. "Simon, you know Ethan?"

"So that's what they call you." Simon said to me. "Well, Ethan, I'm staying with the Feildmans for the rest of the summer, if you want to come and 'get to know me.' If not, I'll see you at school." He left, sipping his drink.

I took several steps before Geoffrey, Neil's young uncle who speaks entirely in bad poetry, found me.

"Fair maiden or most beautiful man." He called to me. "It seems the dreams hast not yet ended, for mine eyes have been graced with your presence once more." He took my hand in his. "Allow me the honor of touching your delicate hand to my unworthy lips."

I ripped my hand away before he could kiss it. "No, thanks." I told him. "I have to go see...um...Butterfly."

I ran away as fast as it was possible in a high society party. That is to say, not very fast.

The dancing had begun, and a small orchestra played in the corner of the vast ballroom. I caught glimpses of Neil's father dancing with a beautiful woman I could have sworn I had seen before (She was an actress, as I later realized), and Ray being hugged by a beautiful girl in a rose colored dress. Cecelia attempted to converse with Butterfly, but, even without hearing the words being said, I could tell she was failing miserably.

I greeted several Lakewood students, made small talk with rich strangers, and managed to avoid dancing with every who asked. After an hour or so had passed, Cecelia found me by the ice sculptures. We talked for awhile, and then I asked her where she had gotten her dress.

"Some bastard felt me up." Cecelia replied angrily. "And, to make matters worse, it fits perfectly. Even the bra." She gave a fake sob. "I can't believe I let that asshole steal my second base virginity."

That asshole (Adam) arrived and handed Cecelia another champagne. "Are you unsatisfied by the dress?"

"Not really." Cecelia replied. "But how did you guess that I liked little roses so much?"

I looked at Cecelia's dress and examined it thoroughly. "Where are the roses?" I asked, finding none.

Cecelia and Adam shared a smile. I excused myself to 'go to the bathroom.'

I did end up in the bathroom, which was a lavishly designed and beautiful place to be, with ivy and comfy chairs and pillows to sit on, making this the fist real restroom I had ever seen. And, seated on a fluffy red sofa and looking slightly haggard, was Neil.

"Hey." I said when I entered. "I thought only girls spent a long time in the bathroom."

Neil sighed. "I'm just a little tired."

"A little?" I repeated, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "You look like you've been working all day."

"I have." Neil sighed again. "My first day being sixteen, and I spend it trying to beat up my father and at a boring party."

"It's not boring."

"Don't lie to me, Ethan." Neil closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the sofa. "Your honesty is refreshing in this world."

I wished then, at that very moment, that I could tell him everything, that my entire existence at Lakewood Academy was a lie, that I wasn't really a boy, and that I was sick of having girls chasing after me. But I didn't. Instead, I just swallowed the guilty lump in my throat and thanked him.

"I better go." I said, and began to stand up again.

"No." Neil said sleepily, eyes still closed. "Stay with me a little longer."

I did stay. I waited by his side until his steady, deep breathing made me want to doze off too. I gently lifted his head (it had fallen onto my shoulder at some point) and propped some pillows beneath it. "Happy birthday." I said to the sleeping hottie and left.

"So that's where you were." Cecelia said as she found me only moments after I left the bathroom. "I've been looking *hiccup* everywhere for you." She hiccuped again, and swayed slightly in her high heals.

"C, maybe you've had a few more drinks than you can handle."

"It's all legal here." She said, her speech slurring a bit. "There's not a *hiccup* *giggle* drinking law or something here."

"Yes, France is like that." I said slowly and clearly. Maybe, she might understand. "Why were you looking for me?"

"There's some creeper *hiccup* in a mask. Really...hot. He's...ah...looking for you by the *hiccup* fountain."

"Thanks." I left my best friend with a butler and went outside, where a figure stood on the fountain ledge.

"Good evening, Nathi." The Second Violin said without turning around.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He turned around, a black mask covering the upper half of his face. "Can I not also celebrate the birthday of a dear friend?"

"Neil's your dear friend?"

"Not really. We're more like acquaintances." He smiled. "I just came because I knew you'd be here, and I was in Paris anyway."

"That makes me feel warm and bubbly inside." I replied sarcastically. "Why me?"

He leapt lightly off the fountain. "Why not you?" He asked.

"Don't answer my question with another question. And who the hell are you, to be coming and going to other people's parties at your whim?"

The Second Violin chuckled slightly and put a finger to my lips. "Didn't you promise not to ask about my identity?"

"Didn't you promise to stop being a whimsical idiot?"

"Now who's answering questions with questions, my dear hypocrite." He smiled, and I was caught.

"Weirdo in a mask."

"Cross-dresser."

"I bet you sold your soul so you could play the violin so well."

"And if I did?"

I hesitated. "I don't know. You'd still be a creeper."

He laughed. "Good-bye, Mr. Smith." He said, and walked away in the direction of the driveway.

Why is my life comprised of such strange people? I asked myself. I found no answer all night.

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART FOUR

Suffice it to say, the morning of July the thirty, Neil's birthday, did not go so well. After trying to get Ishtar to stop crying and Ray asking why it was so bad for people to sleep in the same bed, Cecelia, the other guests staying at Neil's house, and I went to breakfast, which was a splendid affair during which I probably gained at least two pounds. The birthday boy, however, was not present. Adam said he was training at the gym and probably wouldn't be back til mid morning.

"You should go riding." He suggested. "How often to you get to ride horses descendant from the Arabian stallions that the pharaohs used to pull their chariots?"

So, even Neil's horses were from prestigious families. I really didn't fit in well here.

But, I did fit quite nicely in a pair of riding breeches. Unfortunately, I fit so well in them that my feminine legs were quite apparent. I told the maid who brought the pants that I suddenly remembered my severe allergy to hay, and I'd have to decline the invitation to ride.

Eventually, four o' clock rolled around, and the maid returned with a perfectly fitted (for a guy, at least) three piece suit. I dressed and met Cecelia, looking beautiful in a purple silk dress, in the hallway.

"Shall we?" I asked.

"We shall, Ethan."

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART THREE

Apparently, Cecelia also received an invitation to Neil's birthday party. She was still in her towel from swimming on the beach with Butterfly and Ray when we all sat down for dinner at the long dining table. There were perhaps twenty of us young people; the adults had gone elsewhere to dine, but the atmosphere of the room was no where near childish. Quite conversation, with classical music coming from the surround sound system, it seemed like a cultured, flawless party.

Until, that is, everyone went to sit at the table and found that instead of name plate, we had been given brain teasers and riddles. I think mine had to be the easiest, for on my white name card, there was the word 'Ethan' written in size ten font, thus "little" Ethan. Neil's name plate read 'bow' and Adam, seated on his right, had '+am' which I didn't understand until half the meal had passed.

I sat between one of Ishtar's friends, a girl named Rebeca, and a boy who introduced himself as Benjamin. His name card had said 'had been playing with the band.' I was amazed he figured it out.

I saw no other people from Lakewood, besides the Blakes, Adam and Edmund, who showed up right before the first course was served. I had to wonder if they would come for the next night, when the real party began, or if they were simply not coming. I really hoped they would show up, just to have a few more familiar faces around. You see, I still hadn't adjusted to the life of a rich boy.

"I like this song." I commented, as one of Beethoven's masterpieces came on in the background. I had been working on a violin rendition to play with the Second Violin all summer, but I wasn't sick of it yet.

"I do too." Ben said. "Though my opinion may be biased. My father was the conductor for this orchestra."

"Amazing." I said.

"I'm glad no one brought their own music." Rebeca said softly. "I just returned from a language immersion program, and, on some days, the other children brought iPods to the table and listened to them the whole meal."

"That's so rude." I exclaimed.

"I know." Rebeca said sweetly. "I just wanted to tell them to learn to make some f*cking conversation already."

I giggled, but, somehow, my laughter seemed out of place. I drank a sip of water (I was avoiding the wine) to smother it.

"Forgive my sister." Ben said. "Her time away has--" But Ben was cut off by a loud gunshot.

I turned around in my high backed seat, and saw a burly man in a black ski mask, holding a pistol. "Don't move." He said in a gravely voice, pointing his gun at the table. He closed in, and even the quite conversation had stopped. The Beethoven, however, remained, making the whole scene surreal and hardly believable.

The man put his gun to Ishtar's--who just happened to be the closest--head. "Don't move or I blow her pretty little brains out."

I glanced at Neil, who seemed to be taking the situation very calmly, considering a strange man who had just broken into his house now held a gun pointed at his sister. When I thought about it, all the rich kids seemed strangely relaxed. Even Ishtar didn't look the slightest bit scared. I wondered if they were all just in shock.

But then the reason clarified itself when several butlers took down the potential kidnapped in a matter of seconds. The limp body--it might have even been a corpse--was removed.

"Have you been to the beach yet, Ethan?" Ben asked, turned to face me and sipping his wine.

"N-no." I stammered, not quite sure what exactly had happened.

"It's very nice." He said.

"Very." Rebeca agreed.

Dinner resumed as if nothing had happened. I guess rich kids were used to armed men waving guns around, trying to threaten them. But I wasn't. It freaked me out so much that, when I was taken to guest bedroom number eight, I couldn't get to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing the kidnapper, or whatever he was, and his eyes through the ski mask. Finally, around one in the morning, I texted Cecelia, who had also witnessed the event, to see if she couldn't sleep either.

She ended up coming to my room, and we talked until the fear left us and crashed on my bed. Unfortunately, when Neil came to wake me up in the morning, we were still crashed on my bed.

"I'll come back later." He said as I sat up, wiping my blurry eyes.

"It's not what it seems." I called after him, but he had already left. "Happy Birthday, Neil."

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART TWO

Neil was in the courtyard. At least, that's what the butler told me, but, within the walled expanse of dense flowers, rose bushes, and perfectly landscaped ponds, I couldn't find him. I sighed. This would totally suck, if I never found him, I thought, but then the not-so-distant chords of an acoustic guitar led me to him.

Neil was seated on a short, stone wall, coaxing music out of his guitar. I would have ran up to him excitedly and wished him a happy birthday, if not for two reasons:

1. Guys do not rush up and excitedly wish other guys 'happy birthday'

2. Adam was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall, right across from him.

So I hid behind a large oak tree and hoped that Adam left soon.

"Neil," Adam began. "Who is coming to this party?"

Neil shrugged. "Most of the kids from Lakewood were invited, plus Boris, Evelia, several of Ishtar's friends, my father's friends, their kids, everyone who has exchanged conversation with me in the last year."

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Adam asked. "I really just want to know if two people are coming."

"Raiden has a case in California, so he won't be able to make it." Neil said. "And I suppose the other one is Ethan? He should be here any minute."

Who the hell was Raiden? I asked myself, but drew a blank. Maybe it was unimportant.

"I'm glad he's not coming." Adam sighed. "I was worried that I'd have to see him more than once a year."

There was a lull in the conversation, and, after a moment, Neil called out, "Ethan, you can come out now. You're not fooling anyone."

"How did you know I was there?" I demanded, walking over to them and trying to hide my embarrassment.

Neil tapped his ear. "I could hear you breathing."

We went inside in house-castle, where everything was decorated with an old world charm. It was so beautiful, with antique white furniture and giant clocks, that it would have easily been a cover article for Better Homes and Gardens. It had an un-lived-in look to it that made me wonder just how many days the Blake family stayed there.

"Where is your family?" I asked Neil, as we sat in a parlor.

"Ishtar's out riding horses." He said. "I think Butterfly and Ray are swimming in the ocean, and--"

"The ocean?" I asked. "As in the Mediterranean Sea?"

"Yeah." Neil said. "It's really nice this time of year."

"I want to go down to the beach." I said. I wouldn't be able to swim, but at least I could dip my feet in the foreign waters.

"No." Neil and Adam said at the same time.

"Why not?" I asked. Were there poisonous fish or something?

"Because I said so." Adam replied at the same time Neil said, "Just...no."

"What is so bad about the beach?" I asked, now getting frustrated. I hated it when people kept important information like this from me.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Ishtar, holding a towel around herself, came in. "I'm going down to the beach." She said. "Lucy wants to see the water."

A blonde girl behind her, also wrapped in a towel, nodded.

"I'll come too." I said.

"Really?" Ishtar's face lit up.

"No." Adam answered for me. "He has work to do."

"But he's a guest." Ishtar argued.

"Still, he has work to do."

"Can't he do his work later?"

"No." Adam said firmly. "It has to be now."

"What is so bad about the beach?" I asked.

"Nothing." Ishtar said. "Let's go."

"Ethan is not going to the beach." Neil said softly.

"What?" Ishtar and I chorused.

"Ethan is...not going to the beach." Neil repeated, more slowly and clearly.

"Neil." Adam said cautiously, as if the name was a warning.

Neil put his head in his hands. "Excuse me. I'm not feeling well." He got up and left the room.

"Well, little Ethan," Adam said, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "Let's go help the young master. You don't need to swim."

"But--" I began.

"Let's go too." Ishtar said to her friend. "We'll get Tammuz to come some other time." (Remember, Ishtar thinks she's a reincarnated goddess, and that I'm Tammuz, Ishtar the goddess's lover.)

As Adam steered me out of the room and down the hall, I asked him, "So when can I go to the beach?"

"You'd be stupid to go, little Ethan." Adam said. "Since it's a nude beach."

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART ONE

True to his word, I was kidnapped at precisely eleven AM. The man in the black suit and sun glasses drove me to the nearest airport, and I felt a surge of confusion. Where exactly was this party taking place?

I was shepherded through the airport as if I was one very valuable sheep. The men in suits and sunglasses showed IDs which allowed me to jump ahead in all the lines, earning me glares from all the potential passengers who didn't have insanely rich friends.

I boarded a plane, but it wasn't just any place. This thing screamed "private jet" louder than, well, a person screaming "private jet." The seats were more like couches, and the whole thing was arranged sort of like a living room, with plasma TVs and a minibar in the back. The pilot came to the back and welcomed me formally, calling me 'Mr. Smith' and referring to Neil as 'the young master Cornelius.'

Finally, we actually set off, and I spent a very long time watching Bruce Lee movies and historic documentaries. (They were the only DVDs on the plane.) Then we landed in France.

Apparently, Neil's birthday party was at his french villa on the beach. And this house (Dare I call it a house? It's more like a castle.) was even more beautiful than his Florida house. Ivy covered and gorgeous, it stood on a little hill. Pastures with galloping horses lined one side of the drive to it while an orchard stood on the other, complete with servants tending to the trees.

I got out of the car almost apprehensively, carrying my duffel bag over my shoulder. I didn't have to ring a door bell anything when I walked up to the main doors; they opened wide for me like I was a princess from a fairy tale or an actor.

"Master Ethan, we have been expecting you." A butler with a French accent told me and took my bag. "Welcome to the Blake estate."

ADVENTURES AT THE OTHER BLAKE ESTATE PART TWO COMING LATER

I decided the only thing I could get Neil was something homemade, because he could have anything money could buy, and I probably couldn't afford his tastes. So I would make him something. It was the wrong season for a scarf, and, though it was a good idea, a "boy" giving another boy something like a sweater with love in the stitches probably wouldn't be appreciated as much as brownies, made under the supervision of Neil's chef and tasted by the food taster. I just hoped Neil liked brownies.

I packed several outfits today, all something a boy would wear. I didn't have a clue where this party was being held, other than the name of the beach, and I wondered if the weather would be as hot as it was in Boringsville or not. I packed for all weather conditions. One never knew what Neil's father had planned.

The hardest thing was finding Neil a present. Sure, he had said not to worry about bringing anything, but I couldn't help it. One simply did not go to a party without a gift, or so I had been told. And I had never shopped for a rich kid before. Would he be offended by anything less than brand name? Would he think I was cheap if I gave him something homemade? Since gift cards were out of the question (Neil had no need for more money), what else did boys want for their sweet sixteen?

I asked my brother this last question. He told me "a car."

Since a car was just a bit out of my birthday present budget, I spent several sleepless nights trying to think of something to get Neil.

What does Neil want? I asked myself, but the question was very hard to answer. He was pretty much content with everything. He liked soccer, guitar, good grades. He collected swords, played chess, and knew more martial arts than I could count on one hand. He disliked germs, Evan (I think), and being in Adam's clubs. But you couldn't give him a free pass for an A or a germ bubble. I was stumped. Would he like a battle ax just as much as a sword? Was he sick of Kung Fu, or could I get him the first season of the show? Did he need anything for his guitar, like a cheap amp?

Shopping for a boy is tough, even if it is your roommate.

I still haven't decided what to get him, and there's less than a week until 'the car is sent to pick me up'! Please, help me!

Nothing has happened in weeks. Seriously. Boredom hit record highs, and I had to illegally download The Matrix trilogy to keep the absolute tedium at bay. I was about ready to give up, and tell myself that the rest of my summer would be hopelessly boring, but then, this morning, the end of my listlessness came in the mail.

It was an envelope, roughly the size of a hard cover book, and was too big to stuff in the mailbox with all of the other letters and bills. The postman delivered it to my door, where he handed it to my hardly-dressed brother with a "you've been invited to one hell of a wedding, kid," and was gone.

I snatched the royal blue envelope from my brother. "That would be mine." I said.

"But it has my name on it." Ethan grumbled, still half asleep.

"Shut up and go get dressed." I told him and took the letter into the living room to open it.

Inside the blue envelope was an ivory card, decorated around the edges with silver and blue letter pressed designs. It was beautiful, right down to the finest detail, and, after gazing at the swirls and curls and loops, I finally lowered my eyes and read the invitation.

Mr. Bernard Acelin Clovis Gemino Blake

requests the pleasure of your company

in celebrating the sixteenth birthday of his eldest son

Cornelius Algernon Theodoric Christopher Blake III

at the Plage de l'Espiguette house

on July the thiry-first, starting at five O' clock

Formal attire, s'il vous plait

So, Neil was having a birthday. I looked at the reply card, wondering which of the elaborately decorated boxes I should check, when I felt another piece of paper under my hand. It was a hastily written note by the birthday boy himself. Though he didn't sign it, his neat handwriting was unmistakable.

Ethan, it read. I'll be sending a car for you on the twenty eight. Please come. Don't worry about bringing anything, just be ready at eleven am. If your parents say you can't come, the car will still come and get you. My father will work out the illegalities if it turns into a kidnapping. See you then.

I folder up the note and neatly marked the, "Yes, I would be honoured to celebrate with Mr. Blake the III" box. So long, boring summer life. Hello again, crazy rich people.

Let me sum up.

Cecelia would not tell me what she and Neil talked about. She told me that if I really wanted to know, I could ask him myself, but I missed my chance because his crazy father knocked him unconscious and dragged him away. Poor kid.

Adam left the lake soon after, followed shortly by Butterfly dragging a crying Raymond. He didn't want to leave the popsicles, you see. It was his only chance to eat food not made by the family cooks.

I got an email from Taki. It pretty much contained nothing, just those routine "how's the weather?" sort of questions. It was as if he could think of nothing to say. He signed it "I miss you a lot." I considered deleting the message, but didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I had to keep it.

I also got an email from Hans and Frans, who told me everything about their time in Germany. Everything. Even the part unsuited for women's ears (or eyes in this case.) I deleted that message, unsure of what my parents would do if they ever had the irrepressible desire to read all my past emails.

Then Cecelia made ramen. She was supposed to make chicken noodle soup for her sister for lunch, but she didn't want to make a whole, family-sized can for just one girl. "You know how to make soup." She shouted. "And, if that's too hard, just make yourself some stupid, f-ing ramen." But she did not say 'f-ing.'

I received a letter in the mail today from the Zachs. It was entirely in code. I have not yet cracked it.

I found a recording device in my purse. I say recording device because it was not a tape player or a CD or anything I could identify. When I hit the 'play' button, the Second Violin's voice came through as clearly as if he was right next to me. "I'm bored, Nathi. Play a song for me." He--it--said. I'm still wondering how it got into my purse.

I called Xoi today. I told her that Cecelia thought she was bordering on fangirl for Adam. After googling the definition Xoi replied, "At least I'm not hanging up pictures of guys in my closet." Cecelia laughed since we were on speakerphone and swore fluently at her when I hung up.

But back to the crazy rich boys.

Ray ate cake today. Strawberry cake. With white frosting. And strawberries. Cecelia had a fangirl fit.

"You've got a weird Raymond fetish." I told her seriously. "What will happen when he gets older and looks like Neil?"

Cecelia sighed blissfully, imagining him. "What does it take for it to be considered rape?"

"If you need to ask that question, whatever you're thinking is probably very wrong."

"True." Cecelia sighed. "He's just so cute, sitting there on Butterfly's lap, eating cake."

I had to agree, then I pushed her in the lake. Neil, who just happened to be walking by, dropped into lifeguard position and pulled her out. Cecelia, after a fair amount of swearing, whispered to me to get out of her semi-romantic situation. I complied, but decided to try to eavesdrop on them from around the corner.

"Hey, Neil." Cecelia said to him. "Your not stupid, are you?"

Neil's reply, "No," sounded slightly hurt.

"Then you've probably noticed that--"

"Why are we hiding, little Ethan?" Adam asked, drowning out the conversation. He ear was pressed against the wall, like mine, and he stared down at be with those beautiful blue eyes.

He was way to close for comfort.

After pushing him into the lake too, I left. Neil, still talking with Cecelia, their conversation indistinguishable above Adam's splashing, didn't seem too much in a hurry to help him, and I just left, walking up to the house for watermelon and lunch.

Cecelia and I went jet skiing. It would have been fun, if I hadn't been convinced that she was trying to kill me. After holding on for dear life so long that my fingers were numb, we headed back to her house, only to find Poseidon's Warriors drinking smoothies on her dock.

I swore. I wasn't exactly wearing my most mannish clothes at the moment, and I couldn't risk letting Neil know. He was too much of a good person to allow my lie to remain secret. And, even though the life vest covered up my figure, there was still the small matter of bikini bottoms to contend with.

So, in lack of a better plan, I jumped off the jet ski, swam into an empty boat slip as inconspicuously as I could, and climbed up behind them. I threw on my pair of boy's shorts and another handy dandy over sized tshirt.

"Strawberry is the best." Ray was telling Butterfly, who was the only one drinking water.

Butterfly nodded. Neil, who was sitting next to his little brother, ruffled his hair affectionately. "In a few years, you might want to try something like this." He held up his caramel coffee cooler.

"I thought you two weren't allowed to eat anything that your chefs didn't prepare." I said.

Neil pointed his thumb over his shoulder at a skinny, nervous looking man I hadn't noticed before. "I brought a food taster."

So that's what they look like I was thinking, and Adam downed the last of his peach smoothie. "Shall we?" He asked the group of boys.

"Yea!" Ray jumped to his feet. "More jet skiing!"

"You can come two, Little Ethan." Adam offered. "You can ride with me."

"I'll pass." I said.

"Really?" Ray asked me.

"Really." I stated more firmly.

"Okay, then." Ray hopped aboard Butterfly's jet ski with only a little assistance from it's owner, and began asking all sorts of questions from him. Completely random questions, like "What does a wave taste like?" and "where do angels go when they die?" and "if I ate a whole cake, do you think I would get as fat as Neil was?"

When the boys were pulling away from the dock, Cecelia returned to my side. "What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing much."

She grinned and pulled my hair. Hard. I let out a yelp, more in surprise than pain. "What the hell?" I asked.

She laughed. "That was your sex sound."

"And I really needed to know that why?"

"So when you sleep with Adam, you can--"

I cut her off by pushing her into the water. "In your dreams." I told her as she tread water. "I hate that guy."

C laughed and got water in her mouth. Spluttering, she said, "Yeah, well, I bet he doesn't think that way."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

Cecelia pulled herself out of the water, chuckling to herself. "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

The Pervert in the Closet and Other Tales of Terror and Suspense from Cecelia's House

In Cecelia's closet is a poster. She can't put it anywhere else: her mother won't let her hang it in a visible place. So in the closet it goes. Now the boy in the poster will always be looking down at her underwear.

When I still had long hair and when I wasn't a cross dresser, I stayed at Cecelia's house for a weekend, during which I had to shower the gross lake water off me. I had finished shampooing when I realized that there was no soap. I consequently spent twenty minutes in a towel trying to find soap because Cecelia couldn't, while her siblings looked on in horror.

Cecelia's little brother drove the boat. I was on it.

Adam. That's scary enough to be its own horror story.

Cecelia's little sister (age ten) has a dirtier mind than me.

I caught Butterfly speaking a full sentence. He told Raymond, "don't get hurt." Cecelia thought it was cute, and it reinforced her idea that they were real-life versions of Honey- and Mori-senpai. I dropped my fishing rod in shock and it floated away, only to be picked up by Adam. Both aspects of that story scared me.

Luckily, I was prepared for everything, even dressing like a guy. I dressed in my super-flattening, almost magical sports bra and boy's shorts, throwing on a loose tshirt. A "Freaketh Not" tshirt to be exact, but, whatever.

Cecelia's siblings asked why I looked like a boy. She told them to screw themselves and to call me Ethan.

After postponing it as long as I could, I went down to the dock to help, and, sure enough, after a short while, Adam showed up, leading a small flotilla of jet skis. Neil sat atop a royal blue one, and pulled up to the dock. "Hello, Ethan." Neil smiled beautifully.

"Hey." I said. Why was I blushing? "Why are there dragons on your jet ski?"

Neil looked embarrassing. "My father had them put on. They're for protection. He won't let me go out alone without them."

I laughed. "You're father's funny."

"I don't think so." Neil brushed his hand against the intricate black and white dragon along the jet ski's side.

"Hey, look," Someone waiting for their boat to be filled up shouted. "It's the dragon king."

Neil shook his head. "It's horrible." I laughed and looked up to find Sammi practically stripping for Adam, who was chatting with an annoyed Cecelia, who was standing with her back to me and hadn't seen Neil. On the other end of the dock, Butterfly was getting off a grey jet ski, white sketches of his namesake painted on the side. He held out his arms to Raymond, who looked absolutely adorable in his blue swim trunks and child size life jacket. "Ethan!" Ray exclaimed as Butterfly lifted him onto the dock. "Ethan!"

Butterfly nodded solemnly. He wore grey swim trunks and a life jacket of the same color. Now that I think about it, the only times I hadn't seen him wearing grey was when he wore his school uniform, and the red of the tie was the only "true" color I think he ever wore.

"Cecelia." I called. "Can you get Raymond a popsicle?"

Cecelia turned and ran into a pole. Everybody winced at the sound. Cecelia dropped to the ground, apparently unconscious.

"Cecelia!" I rushed to her side. "Wake up. You can't die. I don't know how to take care of your turtle."

"He gets a forth of a cube...everyday." Cecelia mumbled, as if she was dying.

"Shut up. Come back to me!"

"No, no." Cecelia seemed reassigned to the situation. "My life is a blonde moment, and its about to end. At least the last thing I saw was this amazingly hot guy."

"That would be my roommate." I told her.

Cecelia sat up quickly. "That's Neil?" She looked around, caught sight of Raymond, sucking on a blue popsicle, looking concernd. "Honey-senpai!" She shouted. "Oh my God, it's Honey-senpai!" She looked at Butterfly. "And Mori-senpai!"

"Cecelia." I began. "What did I tell you the other day? You can't reference animes unless the other people have seen them."

Adam came up from behind me and used my shoulder as an arm rest. "So what do you think of Poseidon's Warriors?"

"Adam." Neil began, now sipping a grape smoothie. "I told you. I refuse to be in any of you're stupid clubs."

"But Neil." Ray began, practically tearing up. "We would change the name to the Water Lillies if you want."

"Ray." Neil began, in his berating, big bother tone. "We already have a group member named Butterfly. We don't need a name that screams homosexuality."

I pushed Adam's arm off my shoulder. "What do you guys even do? Ride around on jet skis wreaking havoc?"

Adam paused a moment, as if thinking. "Yeah, I guess so. Less wreaking and more taking advantage of, but whatever you want to call it."

"Do you want to come with us, Ethan? You could ride with Neil."

"No, thanks." I said. Ray's smile dropped like a two ton brick, but I couldn't risk getting soaked and revealing my true identity by my girlish figure.

"But...but Ethan." Ray was near tears. "I-I want you to come."

"I'm sorry."

Ray was crying now. Big, fat tears streaked down his face, making the popsicle stains run down his chin. "But-but--" He hiccuped.

Butterfly wrapped the crying child in his arms and lifted him into his arms as if Ray was a bride. Then he set him on the jet ski, wiping off tears from under Ray's eyes with his thumb.

"This is so sweet." Cecelia whispered to me.

"I know."

"Are they gay?"

"I don't think so. I think this is just a really intimate scene for two straight guys."

Quite an eventful day, I must say. After working on her gas dock in the sweltering, yet still mid-morning heat, Cecelia and I decided to screw work and go swimming. I sent her little sister to get my swimsuit, telling her it was right on top of my stuff. She returned, just as Adam's speedboat pulled up to the dock, holding my polka dotted bra and waving it like it was some fourth of July flag.

"I couldn't find the bottoms." She said, handing it to me energetically. "But I think it really cute."

I tried to cover my blush, but it wasn't happening. I hastily took it from her. Adam stared.

"What? You're never seen a bra before?" Sammi flirted and began to take off her own shirt.

"What a whore." Cecelia muttered under her breath.

"When you put your eyes back in their sockets, Adam," I began, "can I ask you what the hell you're here?"

Adam grinned. "I needed gas."

Cecelia's younger brother began to tie his boat up in response. Adam gave him a fatherly smile. "You know, Devin, you're a good kid."

"How do you two know each other?" I asked, looking from one to the other.

"Devin graciously told me where you were last night." Adam said. Devin nodded agreement, whipping out several hundred dollar bills from his pocket. God, that bastard could buy everything.

I ended up leaving Cecelia's and her siblings to Adam's mercy to return my bra and get my swimsuit. When I returned, Adam was talking on his cell phone, Sammi was looking like a slut, and Cecelia's two younger siblings looked on happily with money clenched in their fists. Cecelia rolled her eyes at me in the direction of Sammi, now trying to flirt with Adam even though he was on the phone.

"But you're birthday isn't for another month." Adam was saying. "And I know you have a place here, so its not like you don't have anywhere to stay." A pause. "You can bring your brother. Butterfly too." Another pause. "Whatever. Ethan is here. He's staying with some friend." After the goodbyes, Adam looked up at me. "I hope you're prepared, little Ethan. Neil will be here tomorrow."

Today, I left for Cecelia's. After many, many hours in the car with her mother, her cat, and Cecelia herself, we arrived, singing a combination of Backstreet Boys and hard rock. Her cat didn't throw up until about five minutes from her house, and I presented her family with a giant watermelon, hopefully proving that I wasn't a total freeloader.

Around nine o' clock, we took the boat to a restaurant and bar off the lake for dinner. And, while we're on the subject, I love boats. I love the way the sea (a lake really, but let's call it a sea) and the sky meet, and you hover between the two like an indecisive wave. I often found myself lifting my arms out, like I was flying, just to feel the thrill when we rose over the big waves. I didn't want it to end.

We ate, except Cecelia's cousin, Sammi, a seventeen year old girl, was moody and refused to eat. Maybe she decided to go anorexic or something, but there was no way it had been going on for long. Sammi definitely had some poundage. Anyway, Cecelia's mom had a few drinks, and Sammi was annoying the life force out of everyone. I was ready to leave, sick of the bad singer in the back and the mingled smell of smoke and beer, when the music stopped and silence fell.

I looked up. Adam.

I controlled my urge to cuss him out--he was ruining my precious time with my best friend!--and consented myself with ignoring him, until he came right up to out table and ruffled my hair. "This place is dirty, even for you as a commoner." He said into my ear. Now that the singing guitarist was back in action, he practically had to shout to be heard.

Sammi almost screamed with excitement at the sight of him. She giggled. Cecelia mumbled "stupid slut" under her breath.

I pretended that I hadn't heard Adam, but stood up. "I'll take care of this." I told Cecelia's family, and dragged him by the arm onto the dock where all the people eating kept their boats.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I shouted. "How did you even find out I was here?"

Adam gave a coy little smile. "People are easily bought."

I rolled my eyes. "You can't buy everything with money, Adam. One day, you're going to realize it, and you'll find that you're all alone without a wad of cash in your pocket."

"Actually, I almost always use credit cards."

Adam was called away, and we finished dinner in peace. We were on the way home, in the middle of the lake, when the boat died.

"This sucks." Cecelia said.

"Tell me something I don't know." I replied.

"I want to throw my stupid cousin overboard."

"I knew that already."

Cecelia's parents were debating if they should call the boat patrol and risk getting into trouble for not having enough life vests on board or calling one of their friends, but they never had to make the decision. Adam's yacht pulled up gracefully beside ours and he offered to tow us back. Cecelia's parents conveniently forgot that they didn't like this boy, or maybe they couldn't remember him from last time. So Adam's driver ended up taking us all the way back to C's house. I couldn't believe it, but sometimes that bastard did something nice for a change.

After the dead boat was fully secured and everyone else had gone to the house--Sammi reluctantly, for Adam was just to sexy in a swimsuit--Cecelia, Adam, and I stood on the dock, staring at each other.

"I can't believe you helped me." I told him.

A smile flickered onto Adam's face. "I expect compensation."

My hands flew to my pockets, which were completely devoid of money. "Sorry, I haven't got anything on me right now, I'll pay you back later..." I trailed off. Adam was still smiling slightly.

"All the money in your bank account couldn't cover my daily allowance." He laughed. "You can pay be back with your body."

"Hang on," Cecelia interrupted. "Are you hitting on my best friend? Are you asking me to go Naruto on your pretty boy ass?"

"Cecelia." I scolded. "You can't reference TV shows that someone hasn't seen if you want them to get the joke." I turned to Adam. "Do you know what you just said?"

Adam hesitated, then stepped onto his yacht. "Never mind. Just forget it."

I watched him speed away before we went up to the house, where I was bombarded by Sammi, asking all sorts of questions about Adam. I told her that he was a sadist.

"What does that mean? That he's sad all the time?"

Today at work, I heard it. Once, the dulcet tones of that guitar rang deep in my bones, and the pianist's fingers, dancing across the electric keyboard, were like a well remembered dream. It was none other than Amethyst Drive, and their new song played across the radio.

A bit about the band, before I continue.

They were a sweet bunch, all but Evan, but let's not go there. They all had cool "band names" and were exceptionally good looking. Hades, the slightly nerdy keyboardist, was like the big brother I never had (well, I really did have an older brother, but that's beside the point.) Lucifer, the bassist, had dark hair long enough to braid, and Reaper, the drummer, was one who would sacrifice his entire being for the sake of another. And then there's Hartbreaker, who was none other than my ex-boyfriend.

The song was called "Only Air," and topped the rock charts for a week. I had heard about it on the radio, but I always switched the station, boycotting the bastard. Unfortunately, Adam decided that this was a good song, and, reluctantly, I had to agree, and the station remained, Evan's voice and guitar sounding like it came from Mount Olympus.

"You reach out your hand, for someone to take."

I wiped off a table. Did Evan really write these songs? The lyrics were too good.

"And yet you realize it comes too late."

I tried to block it out, but the repetitions of "Holding only air" got stuck in my head more easily that Christmas carols.

I handed in my resignation papers in the middle of it. I just couldn't stand the though of listening to Evan one more time. Adam laughed, and told me, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I haven't posted for a while, so this is sort of a summary post.

Thursday, when Grandma and Patrick's grandpa went to bingo, we had a semi-romantic, sort-of date, during which we ate ice cream and played mancala until we realized that the grandparents hadn't really gone to bingo and were spying on us from outside the door, their wrinkled ears pressed against the wall as if they were little kids. That was the end to the semi-romantic date.

Friday, when I was working, Patrick came to apologize for his grandfather's actions. I told him it was OK and I had fun anyway. Adam then interupted us by telling me to get back to work or I was fired. Then he exercised his "Alpha Male" dominance over Patrick before going back to his hoard of simpering girls.

Saturday, when I was watering my bonsai on Grandma's balcony, a bird decided to dispose of its waste onto my beloved plant. I spent half an hour gently cleaning the leaves, then took it down to the beach for some more sun. (The condominium shaded it at this time of day.) Adam's sheep, Tiberius and Genghis Khan, ate it. Bonsai just can't stand up to rampant sheep.

Sunday, Adam presented me with an apology bonsai. I told him to leave, that my dear tree couldn't be replaced by any other random plant. He informed me that this particular tree was grown from clipping from the emperor's own gardens and had been expertly trained for over twenty years to become the plant it was today. After that, I had no choice but to forgive him and accept the gift.

Next week I will be leaving on Friday for Cecelia's. I can hardly wait, but I think I'll miss Patrick and even LuLu, who was surprisingly a very nice person. I do not think I will miss Adam.

Today, I got my first proposal for marriage. This is how it went.

I was working when the hostess, a girl called LuLu, (yeah, the second L is capitalized, for some weird reason) sat down a family at one of my tables. Seemed normal, right? Well, it wasn't. Apparently, the little boy (I guessed his age around seven or eight) didn't want a children's menu and told me very politely that he ate off the adult menu.

"Of course. I'll get you one." I hurried off to get him the other menu.

I told LuLu when I was up front and she laughed. "That little like boy? He's like the size of like my five year old sister."

I ignored her and brought the boy his menu. "Thank you." He said.

"Just trying to be of service." I said, wrote my name on the paper tablecloth. "I'm Nathalie and I'll be your waitress tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

"You wrote Ethan." The boy pointed out.

"Right. Oops." I scribbled it out and wrote my real name. "Ethan is my pen name."

"You write?"

"Yeah."

"Novels?"

"Mostly plays and short stories. Nothing that serious." I lied. Well, sometimes I wrote, but those times had become few and far between since I started at Lakewood.

"So does Simon ." The mother nodded in the direction of the boy.

"Mother. Don't embarrass me further."

"But, honey, your play won you that scholarship. You should be proud of yourself."

"Mother. I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't mention that to me ever again."

"Why?"

"I hate it. The sappy romance, the weak verbs, the total lack of conviction in the characters. It's pathetic."

"The judges didn't think so."

Eventually, they ordered. I don't usually write about the people I'm waiting on, but the family was very nice. There were two girls who were twins but looked nothing alike, and, according to the snippets of conversation I heard, the mother had written an opera. Indeed, the little boy, Simon, did eat a lot, and I wondered if he was going through a growth spurt or something.

As I brought their food, one of the twins was talking about her flute recital and the other was telling her father about the her English class, which, like ours, had had a thrilling sword fight in the first scene of Romeo and Juliet. They're English teacher sounded almost as cool as mine had been.

During desert, I tripped, sending Simon's sunday flying into his shirt. I held back a curse, not wanting to soil his young and innocent ears, and apologized so profusely that Adam yelled across the restaurant for me to get back to work or I'd be fired. Then he told me to take him to the bathroom and help clean him off.

And I did. For a long while, we stood poised in front of the doors to both the men's and the woman's restroom. What to do...what to do...Sure, I'd been in the boy's bathroom so many times I couldn't count, but Simon knew I was a girl. And he was a little kid, so would it be okay for him to go into the ladies side?

"This way." Simon said, pushing open the door to the men's room.

I cleaned him off the best I could with paper towels, hoping that his mother's washer worked wonders. All that chocolate and strawberry sauce....

"Nathalie, do you have a boyfriend?" Simon asked.

"No." I replied, scrubbing a tough looking chocolate stain.

"Will you marry me then?"

All I could think to say was "Why me?"

"Frankly, I don't know why." (God, this little kid spoke like a grown-up) "But your unnatural blend of masculine and feminine qualities makes you probably the most interesting person I have ever encountered. You refuse to act ditsy and gossip, and you have no qualms about going into the men's restroom, but you are most definitely a girl. How might I go about making you fall in love with me?"

"Come back when you grow up a little." I told him, not sure what else to say to that. Had he complemented or insulted me?

We left the bathroom and Simon returned to his table. I begged one of my coworkers to take their check, but he wouldn't budge from his own work. So I finished my work with them and, when they were just about to go, I saw Simon talking with Adam. Nothing good would come from that.

They left. I hurried over to Adam and asked what Simon had been talking to him about. "You know Simon?" Adam asked. "I guess you must. Scholarship student have got to stick together."

"You don't mean that--"

"That Simon is going to Lakewood next year. He'll be a sophomore, just like you."

At the top of the online newspaper article was a picture of Alex in drag, a photo of him accepting the prize for the Ladies Department in the costume gala. The words at the top read "ALEX PATTERSON'S GIRL PROBLEM."

I read the article. It went something like this:

Senate member, James Patterson's son has many problems. Not only does he spend his weekends romping around the nearest town to Lakewood Academy, the prestigious boarding school he attends, but he has gotten two speeding tickets and even managed to drop his pants in a local restaurant. Last week, he won the infamous "Ladies Department" in the school costume gala, where boys seem to forget their masculinity and dress like women.

"It would have been a pity for him not to enter." Classmate Aaron Thomas said. "I mean, he looks so much like a girl he gets hit on by guys all the time. If he hadn't entered, dorm 2 would have creamed everyone."

(Reminder: I belong to dorm 2, as does Neil and the rest of my close friends)

'Of course, he's gay.' XXX XXX said. (Again, I suffer from laziness.) 'Well, bi, I think, because he still likes girls.'

James Patterson is ardently against gay marriage and gay rights, and, within a week after his son competed in such a strange competition, his approval ratings dropped by four percent. Apparently, he had also been unaware of his owns son's sexuality, and refuses to allow such in his family.

"I had no idea that my son was behaving in such hedonistic atrocities." James Patterson said when confronted by this journalist. "He will not be going back to that school."

Alex seems to think differently. "I have to go back." He said. "I'm a member of the Four Lords. I can't just not go back. I have friends there."

The Four Lords, a club run by Adam Carter, heir to several franchises, is a small club where the cream of the crop of the upper class meet regularly and discuss important world events.

"We try to talk about philosophy too, every once in a while." Young Mr. Carter said. "But, since we know we're still just kids, we try to have some fun once and a while. We threw a great end of the year party and we often entertain important guests." (Was that really just Adam? I had to admire his lying skills.)

However important this club might be to the boy, Alex Patterson will not be attending next year. Dorm 3 will just have to find a new drag queen."

"That's horrible." I said when I had finished it.

"Tell me about it." Adam agreed. "I was even misquoted."

I worked last night at Adam's father's restaurant. It wasn't too much work, but Adam, who sat in one of the corners with his laptop and stacks of papers (I was pretty sure he was only pretending to work) caught the attention of many of the passing girls. Several asked if they could be moved to a table closer to him, for the "view." I complied, since the tables around him weren't mine to wait on, and I'm pretty sure my co-worker, a collage age guy, wasn't against serving lots of girls.

"Whatcha doing?" A pretty girl said to Adam, attempting to talk to him, maybe a get a chance to slip him her number.

"Deciding who out of new freshmen will be asked to join the Four Lords." Adam sighed and the girl looked confused. "It's quite hard, since I've whittled the numbers down from twenty-something to seventeen." He rand a hand through his golden hair.

"Can I help you?" The girl asked.

"Me too." Said her friend. "I want to help too."

"So do I." Girls from the closest tables were scrambling to assist the boy who only looked like an angel.

"Let me."

"I'd love to help."

"Please."

Adam waved them all away. "Ethan, come here."

I walked through the now-seething mass of girls to his side. "What do you want?" I asked rudely. "I have work to do."

Adam turned his laptop so it faced me. "If you had to pick either one of these for the Four Lords, who would it be?" On the screen, two pictures popped up, one of a beautiful blond boy and of...

"Geoffrey?"

"Alright then. Geoffrey it will be."

"No." I almost shouted. "Not only will adding Geoffrey to the Four Lords lower their coolness factor by at least a hundred points, but I don't think I can spend an hour every weeknight and some weekends with a boy who only speaks in poetry."

"Alright. No Geoffrey." Adam clicked something else. "How about of these two?"

"The guy on the left has braces. No way."

"But they're diamond studded."

"Still, braces are not cool." Then I stopped myself. "Am I really telling you what's cool or not? Are you teasing me or something?"

Adam cracked a wicked grin. "Of course not, Nathi."

"Hey, that name is only for my friends to use." I said coolly. "Stop using it."

"What? Nathi?"

I nodded.

"Alright, but then you better start calling me 'master' again."

I considered "accidentally" spilling something on that expensive laptop, but thought better of it. If I lost my job here, I might not be able to get another where I could be gone for a week with very little notice and not get fired. Adam actually comes in useful sometimes.

"How about you just make me an official member of the Four Lords and then you don't have to worry about this?" I told him.

"I'm sorry, Nathi, but, in order to be a true member, you have to not be poor. Anyway, there would still be an opening, because Alex isn't coming back."

"Oh, yeah." I said sadly. "I never did figure out why."

Adam chuckled. "Do you ever read the newspaper?" And, after a few clicks with his wireless mouse, Adam turned the laptop toward me and I read the story.

NEXT TIME: THE REASONS WHY ALEX CAN'T COME BACK

There was a meth bust in Grandma's condo building. Allow me to elaborate.

So Grandma and I were talking on the balcony, during one of her times where she was acting like a normal grandmother, when we heard an explosion from the condo next door. She proceeded to whip out her cell phone and dialed for the police.

"My neighbor has a meth lab." She told someone on the other end. "I'm in room XXX of XXX condo building." (I was too lazy to make up fake numbers and names. Sorry)

I grabbed my grandmother's cell phone and closed it with a snap. "Just because there's an explosion doesn't mean there's a meth lab. I'm not even sure there are explosions in meth labs. It was probably some amateur chemist trying to make a nuclear bomb."

But Grandma was right, and, when the police showed up with badges a-gleaming and tazers at the ready, it turned out that the neighbor was really one of the biggest meth dealers in this area of Florida. The whole friggin' condo was devoted to the plant. The police took me, as a law abiding youngling, on a tour in hopes that I never grow my own meth. All I really learned was that careless explosions can cost you your freedom. I made a mental note to tell everybody at Lakewood that.

I stayed several days at Neil's place. His dad just wouldn't let me go home, saying that Neil hardly ever brought friends over, and it was my duty to take the place of all of them. I learned basic self-defense from him (because it would be a pity if his friend happened to kick the bucket) and my girl-evading skills hit a new high. I could now sneak by Ishtar without her even hearing me. I never did figure out what war it was that the grandfather was in, or why his uncle Geoffrey spoke in poetry, but I now believed what everybody had told me: the Blakes were the craziest of the rich crazy people.

Eventually, they let me go and sent me in one of the cars back to Grandma's.

I opened the door to her condo to see her and Adam in a deep, emotional conversation. My grandmother held a white handkerchief (Ten to one odds that it was Adam's), and was wiping her eyes. "That's just to beautiful." She said, sniffling.

"I'm home." I said, tossing my duffel bag in the direction of the guest room I had been using.

"Welcome back, Nathalie." Adam said. I wasn't sure, but this could have been the first time he had called me by my real name.

Grandma finished wiping her eyes. "You were gone?"

"Yes." I replied, sighing. It's nice to be missed when you disappear for nearly a week.

"Adam was just telling me such a touching story about when he saved a kitten in a tree." Grandma explained.

"You don't even like cats." I reminded her.

"I do now."

I sighed heavily. "Will you get out, Adam?"

"Is that any way to talk to a gentleman?" My grandmother scolded.

"Since when has Adam been a gentleman?" I muttered and went into my room. I didn't want to be the third wheel in their little sob story party.

ADVENTURES AT THE BLAKE ESTATE PART FOUR

I ended up spending the night at Neil's. His father insisted, and, when I called Grandma to make sure it was alright, she reminded me not to get pregnant until I was married, but I was free to experiment until then.

Another bed was brought into Neil's room, because guys don't share the same bed, and, after several virtual reality games (they were so cool) we went to bed.

Or so we tried. Geoffrey refused to allow a man and a woman to share a room. It didn't matter how often I tried to tell him that I was a guy. He wouldn't listen. He slept on the floor between us.

Ishtar came in next, saying that if Geoffrey was going to sleep with me, she was going to too. She grabbed a pillow and fell asleep instantly beside me. Of course, as a girl, I had no problem with this. My friends and I shared a bed all the time. But, as a 'man,' I was looked on with curious eyes by Neil, who began to speak, then said, "Never mind. I know you won't do anything to her."

At about three in the morning, Raymond, tugging on the hem of Butterfly's grey pajamas, came in, saying he was lonely. Since getting into Neil's bed would have been an acrobatic feat, for one would have had to jump over Geoffrey, lying sprawled in the weirdest of angles, Neil's oh-so-adorable little brother climbed into my bed.

Squished between Ishtar (who kept trying to hug me) and Ray, I didn't get much sleep. Finally, I drifted off for about two hours, and Ray woke us all at six with a family sized box of Cheerios.

"Ray?" Neil sat up in his giant bed. "What are you doing?"

"Look, Neil, you can lower your cholesterol." Ray said, pointing excitedly to the box. "Cholesterol. That's a bad thing, right."

Neil smiled and ruffled his brother's hair. "Yeah. Thanks for thinking about me."

"You have high cholesterol?" I asked.

Neil shook his head when Ray wasn't looking. "Where did you find this?" He asked.

"Butterfly took me to the grocery store." Ray said proudly as Butterfly stood silently in the corner. "Did I do good?"

"You did well." Neil corrected. "But you know father hates it when we eat foods not prepared by our chefs. I don't think he'll let us have it."

"I guess you're right." Ray said sadly. "I'll go feed it to the Jackson."

"Jackson?" I asked.

"It's his peacock." Ishtar replied, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"And why can't you eat the Cheerios?" My question hung in the air for a long time before Neil decided to answer it.

"It's our mother." He said. "She was poisoned. Now all food is prepared by our own chefs."

Way to set a great morning mood, Nathalie. I thought. I bet they're all going to be cheery today.

ADVENTURES AT THE BLAKE FAMILY ESTATE PART THREE: DINNER

After a while, Neil and I went down to dinner. But this wasn't just any evening meal. It was a six course affair with plenty of wars stories and perfect manners. I sat down next to Neil at the long dining table, and we waited patiently for the other family members to arrive.

Raymond came with Butterfly. I knew that it had to be him because the little boy looked like a younger Neil. It was if the photograph of Neil's younger self had lost weight. (Remember, Neil was pudgy back in his youth.) Ray clung tightly to Butterfly's hand and looked at me with innocent, sapphire eyes and asked sweetly, "Who's this?"

"My friend Ethan from school." Neil replied. "Butterfly knows him too."

Ray smiled charmingly at me, (I had a sinking feeling that he would turn into someone like Adam) and asked me why I looked so much like a girl.

"So you think so too, young one?" Geoffrey stepped into the room. "Astute eyes like yours have not yet gone blind to the ways of the world."

"Speaking of sharp eyes," Ishtar's voice came from beneath the table. "Did you know that he shaves his legs?"

"I swim." I lied quickly.

"Great. We have a pool. You can show us your stuff."

"I wish I could, but I'm allergic to chlorine." I lied again.

"Poor child. It be taken from what you hold so dear...It must be akin to torture."

"It's not that bad." I said. "Ishtar, what are you doing under the table?"

"Wondering if I can get you to remember me by aromatic incense while you eat."

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not Tammuz."

"Tammuz, that reminds me." And old man said, entering the room and taking a seat at the head of the table. I guessed that he was Grandpa. "I remember, when I was in the war, we were fighting a strange guerrilla force that kept hiding in the trees. We couldn't shoot them down because the branches were too think. Thick enough to make a log cabin, I think, and it was dangerous terrain. I lost a lot of men there." He sighed heavily. "That damn war took a lot of innocent live, it did."

"What does that have to do with Tammuz?" Ishtar asked, then turned to me and added, "You should pay close attention. You might remember something."

"Well, in the war, I fought along side a Turkish boy--at least I think he was Turkish--and he was nicknamed Tammuz because he fell in love with a whore." Neither he nor Ishtar seemed to catch the insult.

Neil's father arrived, and dinner was served.

"I don't like this soup." Raymond said. "It tastes like quail eggs."

"That's because it does have quail eggs." Neil's father explained. "Its called 'Buddha Jumps over the Wall' and is quite delicious. Did you know it takes several days to prepare? It would be doing the cook an injustice if you didn't eat it."

Raymond looked at the bowl dubiously. "Are you sure it takes so long to make it?"

"Quite sure."

Ray grimaced, but sipped the soup like a good child. I couldn't help but mentally "aaaawwweeee"at how cute and respectful it was.

Neil's grandfather told another story, about a time in "the war" when his unit was forced to eat duck eggs for a month. I still wasn't sure which war it was, and when I asked Neil later, he just shrugged. I guess no one knew.

During the Wagyu steak, there was another war story about death by chipmunks and a history lesson on Genghis Khan. Then for desert (by this time I was absolutely stuffed) we ate expensive tasting chocolate truffles. I realized that in this meal alone, I had probably consumed such pricey foods that all the other foods I have ever eaten in my entire life would not equal it. I made a mental note never to give Neil something cheep from a grocery store. It might not sit well in his stomach with the caviar.

ADVENTURES AT THE BLAKE ESTATE PART TWO

After awhile, I did run into Neil at his house. He was in the second basement (because one basement isn't enough), in the middle of a spectacular hand-to-hand combat match with his father. It was like something out of the movies, it was so good, but then Neil looked over his shoulder at me and called a halt. "Ethan's here, I'm going." He told his father.

Bernard Blake, Neil's dad, looked up and saw me standing by the stairs. "Ethan." He cried happily. "Come here and let me give you a proper welcome."

Neil stepped between us. "Don't listen to anything that crazy old man says." He warned. "Let's go upstairs. Have you met my sister yet?"

I laughed. "Yeah. She seems to think I'm Tammuz, Ishtar's reincarnated lover."

Neil sighed. "What about Raymond? Have you met him?"

"I might have. Does he speak in bad poetry by any chance?"

"No. That would be Geoffrey. Ray is my little brother."

"And Geoffrey isn't?"

"No." Neil said, looking slightly embarrassed. "He's my uncle. My grandfather remarried after his first wife died. He's a year younger than me."

"Wow." Rich people's families are sure messed up.

"Have you run into Butterfly?" Neil asked, changing the subject. "He's here right now. So is Grandfather."

"The one that remarried?"

"Yeah." We were now in the kitchen, where a cook in white worked on some giant ham, presumably for lunch. "Are you hungry? Do you want any food?"

"I'm fine."

Neil speared a thick piece of ham with a silver fork and ate it. "Working out sure gives you an appetite."

We went upstairs to the third floor, where roughly ten bedrooms overlooked the grounds. Neil's was on the corner, and just as I was about to go in, Geoffrey, the bad poet, popped out of the next room. "O lovely maiden." He cried when he saw me. "Go not into that chamber. A man and a woman should never--"

"Ethan's a guy." Neil corrected him.

"Nephew, please desist." Geoffrey begged, grabbing Neil's hand dramatically. "This union will never be blessed. Desist at once and go thither to the church before you make such actions." He turned to me, dropping his nephew's hand. "Fair maiden, please. If this man seeks to take such beauty for himself, simply call upon me to protect you. I--"

"I'm a guy." I told him, again.

"No. No man can can be so womanly."

"Ethan goes to Lakewood." Neil saved me. "He's a guy."

"I cannot believe it." Geoffrey exclaimed. "Show me the proof."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you really want proof that you're turning gay, or do want to fantasize a little longer?"

Geoffrey looked me up and down. "I'd like to fantasize." He replied and left, blushing.

"Well," Neil began. "Sorry about him. Want to come in?" He opened the door to show me a magnificently proportioned room. Then Ishtar jumped out from behind the four poster bed.

"What are you doing in here?" Neil asked as his beautiful sister as she collected several charms from around the room.

"I just want him to remember me." She said tearfully. "Tammuz, please come back to me."

Neil pointed to the open doorway. "Out."

Ishtar did as she was told, giving me a sad smile as she left.

"Sorry." Neil apologized. "I guess you're now scared for life."

"From your uncle, yes." I said. "But your sister is stunning." That's what a guy would say, right? No, it wasn't. "She's hot." I corrected myself.

Neil smiled. "Everyone says that. She looks just like my mother."

Right, Neil's dead mother. I didn't want to get onto such a depressing topic. It would make him uncomfortable. Tactlessly, I asked, "So, um, Neil, Do you like apples?"