This morning, everyone was in high spirits.  So high, in fact, that when Taki tripped and sent his breakfast flying into the face of a sophomore, both guys just laughed it off.  

"Sorry man."  Taki said, slapping him on the shoulder.  

 

"No problem.  I mean, I was just about to wash my clothes anyway."

"Yeah."  Taki waved his hand in front of his nose.  "You better hurry up and get that taken care of before everyone here dies from the smell."  He laughed.  The sophomore didn't.  

"Are you saying I smell bad, kid?"

"Ah...um...well..."  Taki struggled for words.  

The sophomore stood up.  Taki swallowed.  "Oh no."

The sophomore threw a punch that caught Taki in the side of his face.  Taki stumbled backward, knocked into a table of juniors, and spilled food all over them. "Get him."  They cried, and all hell broke loose.

Hans and Frans and Neil and I hurried to Taki's side.  I wasn't sure what help I would be in this food and fist fight, but Hans and Frans fought with the strength of several men and Neil was a master at various martial arts.  I kind of just stood there, in the midst of the fray, as everyone fought against everyone else.  Taki and his blunders seemed to have been forgotten.  It was each man for himself.  

"I'll protect you, Ethan."  Cole ran across the room just in time to get in the way of an incoming foot.   

"If anyone's going to be protecting Ethan,"  Taki shouted above the din, round kicking a senior.  "It's going to be me."  

"But I am his chauvinist."  

"I'm a black belt in Karate."

"Shut up both of you."   Neil interjected, stepping in front of me and throwing a charging student to the ground.  I stared on in awe.  "Taki, see the group in sweats over there."  He pointed to five boys roughly fifteen feet away.  "Flank left."

Taki saluted him.  "Got it."

"Hans and Frans?" 

The twins looked up from giving some jock a bloody nose.  "Yes?"

"Take that group head on."  

They nodded and followed Taki.  

"Ethan."  Neil turned to me.  

I felt a flicker of fear.  Would he send me out like the others?  I was too young to die!

"Let's get out of here."  He held out a hand.

Relief washed over me, and I smiled.  "Yeah."

I was just about to grab his hand when there was a loud bang.  Adam had thrown open the doors to the dining hall, and his angelic face had an expression so harsh that I was afraid that those blazing blue eyes would give me nightmares for months.  Butterfly and Damien stood two steps behind him on either side like bodyguards and looked just as menacing.  

"What is going on here?"  Adam shouted, though he didn't need to, everyone had frozen in place at his entrance and nobody seemed to want to move, let alone punch someone.  Wait, I take that back.  In the silence of the room, you could still hear Hans and Frans delivering the finishing blow to some guy in the back.  

Adam pointed a finger at the nearest person, a nerdy junior.  "Explain."

"Some freshman--"  The junior began, his voice trembling.  

"Ethan."  Adam interrupted.  "Was it you?"

What was I supposed to do?  I could tell the truth and say that it wasn't me, but then Adam would surely demand that I tell him who the real culprit.  I wouldn't betray my friends, but did that mean that I had to take the blame?

"It was me."  Neil said before I could answer.  "It was my fault."

Adam shook his head sadly.  "Come with me, Cornelius.  You too, Ethan."

Cole stepped forward.  "Allow me to accept Ethan's punishment."  He said.  "I owe him my life."

Adam chuckled mirthlessly.  "Don't be so pathetic." He said softly.  "All of you,"  He addressed the boys in the room.  "Clean up this mess.  Make it spotless.  I want this room so clean that I could eat in it."

He left, and Damien and Butterfly escorted Neil and me out after him.  

Our punishment?  Monopoly in room 222.  Adam won.  

This morning, I made plans with my grandmother to stay at her condo in Florida this summer.  It was sort of like a vacation, but I would get a job and not have to worry about running into Evan, like I would if I went home.  I would also be able to see some of my friends from school, because I'm sure that they all have houses down there.  I'm not quite sure how everything regarding my disguise as a boy will work out, but I'm sure that will all come to me in time.  

Around lunch time, I was taking care of Adam's sheep.  They followed me across their paddock, which was right by the horses day pasture and stable.  They were like lost puppies and were so cute that had to feed them the raspberries I had planned on eating with my lunch.  They couldn't fit them in their mouth, so I ended up with sticky, red hands.  I went over to the stable for water to wash it off, and I was just in time to hear a passionate confession of truest love to none other that Edmund.

I peered though the leaves of a conveniently placed bush and watched.

"I thought maybe you didn't get the flowers and the letter."  A pretty girl in a Saint Catherine's uniform was saying, her face as red as those mashed up raspberries.  "And so...I...um...wanted to...ah...see you."   She looked down at her shoes.  "I wanted to make sure that you read the letter."  She added, very fast.  

"I'm sorry."  Edmund said emotionlessly, pushing his glasses up the ridges of his nose.  "But I got rid of those things.  I'm allergic."

"Oh...I'm sorry."  The girl turned an even darker shade of red.  "I...ah....didn't know.  I'll...send you something else--"

"Don't bother."  Edmund turned his back to her.  "I'm leaving."  And he walked coldly off.

The girl began to cry.

I stepped out of the bushes.  "What a jerk."  I said loudly in the direction of Edmund's retreating back.  

The girl sniffed and looked up at me.  "You heard?"

"I'm sorry." I said.  "I couldn't help overhearing."

The girl, unexpectedly, smiled.  "I guess it's better this way."  She sighed.  "I've been in love with Edmund for my whole life, even though he always treats me coolly and distantly."  She forced a laugh.  "I don't know why I'm even telling you this."

I smiled, and was struck by a sudden idea.  "Let's make Edmund fall in love with you."  

"What?"

"I bet we can do it.   I'm his friend.  I'll just casually suggest to him that he should go out with you."

"Would you really do that?"

"Of course.  And I'll work on him in the summer.  Maybe, by next year, you'll have him as your devoted slave."  

A genuine smile lit up the girl's--later to be known as Ava's-- face.  "That sounds wonderful."  

And the plan began.

"So whatever happened to Evelia?" Neil asked Adam at lunch. It was reminiscing time.

"I"m not sure." Adam put a hand on his chin. "Right now, I think she's Boris's whore."

"That's nice. It's good to see that the members of our little group became such respectable members of society."

"You fancied her, didn't you?" Adam teased. "It's a good thing that I stole her away from you. You wouldn't want to be dating someone like her, would you?"

Neil didn't answer right away. I took it for a tacit "yes."

"What about your father?" Adam asked. "Is he still insane?"

"More than ever. We went to China last summer to train. Let me tell you, the Buddhist temples might me cool, until your father starts shouting forms for you to do, 'Leopard! Dragon! Praying Mantis!' I wish Grandfather's insanity hadn't been genetic."

"Speaking of insane, how's Catie?"

"You mean Ishtar?" Neil groaned. "Every since we got back from visiting Ur a few years ago, she's been impossible."

"Impossible?" I asked.

"You try having a little sister who thinks she's an reincarnated goddess." Neil sighed. "When I visited over break, she asked if I had brought her back any sacrifices. Not presents. Sacrifices."

"Did you have any?"

"Of course." Neil laughed. "I had to buy a set of gold chalices from some ancient artifact dealer. Being a good brother is hard." He sighed again.

"Excuse me." I interjected. "I'm a little lost here. How do you two know each other?"

"Our fathers went to school together." Neil said.

"And we have villas in the south of France only a mile apart." Adam added.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." Neil said. "Is that butler still working at your place?"

"The one who called you 'that darling young master'?"

"And you 'the arrogant crybaby'?"

"If you want to bring that up," Adam began with an all-too-familiar glint in his blue eyes. "I do remember when one of the maids called you chubby."

"Hey." Neil pointed his fork at Adam threateningly. "That was puppy fat."

"Yeah, right. I bet you still have a little belly. And a double chin!"

"I don't have a double chin!" Neil stood up. "Look." He pointed to the area in question. "It's well defined. And as for belly fat..." He proceeded to strip off his shirt. "Feast your eyes upon this."

Why were guys always taking their clothes off around me? Was I just a magnet for weird situations?

"I think I see some chub." Adam said, critically examining Neil abs.

"Liar."

"Really. I think I see some chub." He pinched Neil's side, taking some skin between his fingers. "Yep. Definitely some poundage. Are you cheating on your diet, Mr. Fatty?"

"Shut up, crybaby pervert."

"Fatty."

"Neil, you're not fat." I told him. "Really, your as touchy as a girl about your weight."

"He just used to be fat." Adam explained to me in a whisper behind his hand. "See look."

Adam took a picture out of his wallet, and I got a glimpse of a stout Neil, probably at age six. "So cute." I said. "I just want to pinch his cheeks off."

Neil grabbed the photo and ripped it up. "There. Evidence is gone."

Adam and I were laughing so hard when the bell rang that we were late to class, trying to recover from the after effects of Neil as a six-year-old.

"Why are there sheep in my bed?" 

"Oh, Neil."  I said, putting down my book.  "You're back."

"Why are there sheep in my bed?"  He repeated.  

"Adam dumped them here."  I explained.  "Apparently, their pen is being built outside, but there was no place to put them."

"So their in my bed?"  He said, raising his voice slightly.

"Shhhh."  I put a finger to my lips.  "You'll wake them up."

"Do you know how many germs farms animals carry?"

"Less than a keyboard?"  I guessed.

"Right."  Neil said, setting down the grocery bags.  I had thought he was getting snacks, but the bags fell away away, revealing two giant containers of Germ-X.  "But they're still dirty.  And sleeping in my bed."

"Would you rather it was a girl?"  Adam asked from the doorway.  

Neil turned around and looked at him.  "What are you doing here?"

Adam leaned against the door frame like he'd be standing there for a while.  "Now, Cornelius, is that any way to treat a childhood friend?"

"My bad."  Neil laughed.  "I just forgot."  He walked over to the door and he and Adam did a long  complex handshake, finishing with a man hug at the end.  I looked on in total awe.

"You,"  I pointed to each of them, "were childhood friends?"

"Yeah."  They said together.  

"I can't believe this..."  I muttered to myself.  "Adam,"  I said louder.  "Are you here to take the sheep?"

"Yes.  And, Neil, the only place I could think to put them was in little Ethan's room.  I hope you don't mind."

"You know that I hate excessive bacteria."

"Well, don't threaten little Ethan."  Adam winked at me.  I had to resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him.  "It was my idea. Mea culpa."  

When Latin works its way into the conversation, I make it my signal to leave.  Thanks to Adam's exculpation, I no longer had to worry about explaining to Neil why two lambs named after historic rulers were in our room.  I got up and left for dinner.  

Alex and I, bored of cafeteria food and trying desperately to escape Cole, decided to take a cab over to the town and eat out.  We were sitting at the table, talking about guys, when two boys came over.  

"Hey, we have some extra bowling tickets."  One said, fanning out the purple card stock tickets.   "Would you ladies like to join us?"

Alex seemed not to care about being a putative girl, and was for going with them, but I stood up, slamming my hand on the table.  

"Are you hitting on us?"  

"Yeah, I guess so."  They replied.

"We're guys."  I stated.

"No way!"  One of the boys exclaimed.  "There is no way."

"Yeah."  Said the other.  "Prove it."

Alex proceeded to drop his pants and stood in the middle of the restaurant with nothing on his lower half for about ten seconds, during which I averted my eyes and the boys gaped.  A waitress told he he had to leave, but some how, Alex convinced her that, since the rule was technically 'no shirt, no service,' that having no pants could not be included.  

"OK."  The boys who had been hitting on us said.  "You're guys."

I thanked Alex profusely when we left.  Alex told me it was his pleasure.  I'm still not sure whether he was joking or not.  

Lakewood Academy's real sheep in the midst

This evening, as I stepped into room 222, I came face to face with two lambs.  I squeezed inside and found Adam, smiling tranquilly, his arms held out with the palms up.  The sheep scampered and skidded across the floor to him and hid behind his legs.  

"Adam,"  I began.  "Why are there two sheep in here?"

Adam lowered his arms.  "Don't you think that they provide just the right environment here?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I tried to creep closer to the sheep, but they ran from me, staying by Adam's side.  I guess that even animals are attracted to hot guys.  "Do they have names?"

"The white one is Genghis Khan and the light brown one is Tiberius."

"So they're both boys?"

"Girls actually.  I think giving them manly names will help them become strong and independent women.  There's grain in the bucket over there."  He pointed.  "You can probably catch them with that."

I did, and the little sheep seemed to recognize me as different and let me into their herd.  I guess sheep are smarter than I thought after all.  

"I can't believe you lost a girl competition to a boy."  Evan sneered.  "I guess it goes to show how truly unfeminine you really are."

"And I can't believe that your public opinion wouldn't drop if I posted these pictures online."  I took out half a dozen 4 x 6s and waved them in front of his face.

"Give me those."  He demanded.

"Say please."  I growled.  There was no way in hell that I would simply hand over such wonderful blackmail.  These pictures alone give me a feeling of immense power, so much that I wanted to burst into an insane, supervillian laugh.  I stopped myself and fanned myself with the pictures.  

"Please."  Evan said it like a threat.

I gave them to him, and Evan promptly ripped them into little pieces, which scattered on the floor.  

"Why are you still smiling?" he asked, looking back at me.

"I've got them saved on my laptop, Adam's Mac, and several random school computers."

"You're a bitch."  

"Tell me something I don't know."  I forced another smile to my lip and walked off.  

As soon as I rounded a corner, someone began clapping.  "Very good."  The Second Violin applauded, wearing his jester mask and holding his violin case.  "You handled that quite nicely."

"Really?"

"Indeed so.  I was worried something had happened to you.  You haven't come to play with me in a while."  

"Ahh...well..." I began.

"It doesn't matter."  The Second Violin said sarcastically.  "So many times have the great men of our past been pushed aside.  They could hardly care if one student, no matter how competent, forswears the magnum opus and moves to something more important, like studying.  Knowing vectors and geometry and sesquipedalian phrases are far more important that mere music."

"Now you're making me feel guilty."

"That was most definitely the point."  

So that was how I ended up on the rooftop, playing a Bach duet with the Second Violin.  

"What do you do in your free time?" I asked him when we were done.

"I practice."

"Besides that."  

He shrugged.  "Sometimes I ride horses."

"Is that it?"

"Mostly."  He sighed.  "You'll find that there is very little time in life to worry about things like sports and money and grades.  I just do what I enjoy the most."

"So playing Bach on the rooftop with the only girl at an all-boys' school is up there in your list of favorite things?"

He laughed. "Actually I prefer Mendelssohn."

Backstage was a nerve wracking, terrifying place.  Even with Alex by my side, explaining that if anyone was going to be accused of being a girl it would be him, I thought that this would be the end of my days at Lakewood.  Dressed in another of the dresses that Adam had had made for me, I feared the worst.  Guys couldn't all be this oblivious.

"You'll be fine."  Alex soothed, straightening the hem on his own dress (he had no qualms about cross dressing.)  "Everyone looks like a girl here.  And, even if they did figure it out--"  

The door opened, cutting him off, and a pretty girl entered the room.  

After a moment, I realized that the the pretty girl was actually my ex-boyfriend, and I had to concentrate on holding in my dinner.  Even the sight of the totally gorgeous rock star made me sick.  

"You again?"  I said sourly.  "I never thought you would be a cross dresser."

"You're one to talk, Ethan."  Evan tossed his wig over his shoulder.  "And, just so you know, I didn't have a choice in any of this.  Some bastard mixed up all the events."

Alex smiled.  "That would be Adam."  He explained.

"What?" I turned to my friend.  "Adam the contriving is the reason that He's in a dress?"

But no one had time to answer, for the intercom buzzed on, calling the participants in the Ladies Department to the stage. 

I glared at Evan as he breezed past us, and I heard the many screams and shouts from the girls.  Apparently, they liked men with guts.

But I knew better.  Evan was only doing this so he could beat me.  There would be no end to the torture if He looked more like a girl then me.  

"Ready?"  Alex asked.  We walked out together, giggling like schoolgirls, forced smiles fixed onto our faces.

"And the contestants from dorm two and three have quite the advantage."  A commentator said from some unknown vantage point.  "They really do look like girls.  O God."  (Alex had just blown a kiss to the audience.)  "This will probably the toughest decision for the judges all night."

I closed my eyes.  The lights were blinding.  "The winner will be announced later.  Thank you, ladies."

Evan flipped the announcer off and left the stage.  

"The next event is the Commoner's Clothing, an event in which the price of the clothing is limited to fifty dollars.  Can these rich boys do it?"  The commentator said as we returned to the backstage room.   I changed out of the dress quickly, took off all the makeup and dressed in a Lakewood sweatshirt and jeans.  Alex left, Evan had disappeared, and I went to the back of the auditorium, where my friends waited, Taki nursing a bloody nose.  

"Not again?" I asked, but handed him a Kleenex (I was always prepared) and looked at the stage.  "What's next?"  

"Science Fiction and Fantasy, followed by Classic Halloween and the Kings Competition."  Edmund answered, and he was right.  The Zachs came on the stage in full DragonBall Z attire, along with Galahad, who had clearly tried to accurately portray Legolas.  Other people dressed like Anikin Skywalker, Spock, and Harry Potter.

Then came Classic Halloween, where people wore things ranging from white sheets to giant pumpkins to ninja outfits.  Neil emerged wearing a high collared black cape and dark, 18th century clothes.  His rapier at his side and red contacts covering the perfect blue of his eyes, he made a perfect vampire, even by Twilight standards.  He gracefully walked to the center of the stage, his tall boots making hardly a sound, and stood with the other competitors.  Screams from the girls in the audience threatened to overwhelm my eardrums, but I clapped my hands over my ears and wished I could applaud like the rest.  

The Kings Competition was last, right before the awards.  The costumes were superb, and I recognized Henry VIII, Elvis, Tutankhamen, and Montezuma.

"Fictional character, King Lear, you are out."  

The disappointed Shakespearean king left the stage, to be replaced by Julius Cesar, otherwise known as Adam.

He wore, not the traditional toga, but Roman leather armor and a red cape.  He held a helmet under his arms and his studded gladiator shoes gave Neil's boots a run for their money.  Adam beamed at the screaming girls, winked at a few, and won the competition.  They didn't need to announce it.  

His prize, a kiss from Saint Catherine's Queen, Adam refused.  Alex, bathing in the glory of wining the Ladies Department, and Taki, who had placed in casual attire, were suffocating me with their happiness (because who wouldn't want to get out of a final exam?), so I returned to my dorm.

Neil hadn't bothered to undress.  After they announced him as winner, I was pretty sure he had come to our room, but finding him relaxing in his bed, still in that vampire outfit, was a shock.  He looked way to hot to be allowed.

So when I walked into the room and saw him, I turned a color of red not far from what Taki often looked like, and pretended to read, sneaking occasional glances at the guy who should have played Edward in the Twilight movies.  

The following is a text message conversation between Xoi and I.  

Xoi:  What's up?

Me: Nothing much.  I made it to the finals in the Ladies Dept.  

Xoi: Dude, it would have been really depressing if you hadn't, since you are one.  Is the final competition tonight @ Lakewood?

Me: Yeah.  It's also the same for the girls, right?  Aren't you coming over here for the last round?

Xoi: Yep.  I can't wait to see Adam.  The Kings Competition didn't have preliminaries, did it?

Me:  Nope.  I have no idea who he's going as.

Xoi:  So did anything interesting happen when you were in a dress?

Me:  Taki got a nosebleed and everyone either gaped or looked away.  I having a feeling that the boys will end up trying to dress me like a girl so they can pretend that they have some female interaction.

Xoi: Wow.

Me: I know.

Xoi: Guess what?

Me: I refuse.

Xoi: I'll tell you anyway.  I won the lounge wear event last night.

Me: OMG! That's great!  

Xoi:  I guess I look totally sexy in sweats.  

Me: You know it! GTG.  Adam's calling me to get ready.

Xoi: Good Luck!

Neil entered the dorm room at about this time, looking a little upset.  

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It seems that I've been removed from the semi casual.  This here--"  He held up a sheet of paper, "says that I'm now in Classic Halloween.''

"Is that like ghosts and witches?"  

"I guess so."  Neil set the paper on his bed.

"What are you going to do?"

"He thought for a moment, then a small smile crept onto his lips.  "I think I know."  He said.  "It's  the girls who vote for the winner, right?"

"Yeah."  

Neil crossed over to his sword rack and took down a twisted hilt rapier.  

"Why--" I began.

"My props."  Neil cut me off.  "See you in a bit, Girl."

"Shut up!" I yelled after him as he closed the door.  Then I stood up and went to see what Adam wanted.  

I stared at the bottle in amazement. "This is really good."

Alex laughed. "I can't believe that you've never had pure pomegranate juice before." He laughed. "You look like you're in heaven."

"It's really good." I repeated.

"What's really good?" Taki dropped into the seat next to me.

"This." I showed him the bottle.

He took it from my hand and swallowed a large mouthful. "Very good." He said. Alex and I looked on in total shock.

"Is this what you call an 'indirect kiss?'" He whispered.

I nodded. "I think so." I whispered back.

Taki seemed to have understood and was blushing furiously. He held out the bottle for me to take back, but before I could, Hans (or Frans) snatched it out of his hand.

The twins finished off the bottle of pure pomegranate juice in seconds.

"Ahhh." Frans wiped his mouth.

"Good stuff." Hans tossed me back the empty bottle.

And so I realized that the so-called 'indirect kiss' is nothing more than assuaged thirst and empty bottles. On the romance scale, it was a 1.02 (because anything with hot guys has to be at least a one.)

The dress that Adam presented me with was lovely. There was no other way to put it. It was made wonderfully, simple and yet elegant. It fell to the middle of my calves and had a waist that hid any figure and was quite conservative. White heels to a of set the black dress stood below the costumed mannequin, along with a string of pearls.

"Like it?" Adam asked.

I couldn't find words to thank him. To think that he had actually done something nice! And this was outrageously nice too. I nodded my gratitude.

Adam smiled, handed me my new dress for the costume gala (it starts tomorrow and ends Saturday night), then kicked me out of the room.

I arrived at the common room and grabbed a seat with my friends.

"Hotties, behind you." Hans whispered in my ear. "Ten o'clock."

"What?"

"Saint Catherine's girls."

I turned immediately, hoping that Caroline wasn't one of them. She wasn't, but the three girls were undoubtedly beautiful and had every guy's attention. I gaped too. The Saint Catherine's uniforms were just so cute. Red plaid skirts with a white blouse, red tie and black Mary Jane's that looked great with the red knee socks. I felt a long suppressed urge bubble out of me as I thought, I want to wear a uniform like that instead of this unflattering thing.

"Earth to Ethan." Frans tapped the side of my head. "Is someone at home?"

"What?" I came back from my aww-that's-so-cute trip.

"If you don't keep your eyes in your head, they'll fall out."

"I'm not staring at them." I replied.

"Then what are you looking at?"

"The uniforms."

"Huh."

"They're so cute." I swore silently. That just slipped out. "I think they made the girls look hot." I said quickly and left as soon as possible.

There was a knock on the dorm door.  A demanding, harsh knock.  Neil got up to answer it.

"Who is it?" I asked, but he had already slipped out and closed the door behind him.  

Because the Greeks had it right this whole time, and I, like Pandora, was going to be killed by curiosity, I snuck over to the door and pressed my ear against it.  Why the secrecy?  Was Neil talking to a girl?  His girlfriend?

"You're not wanted here."  Neil was saying harshly.  Ok.  I thought.  Not his girlfriend.  

"Shut up."  Evan's voice answered.  Recap, everyone. Evan is my evil ex-boyfriend/rock star and guitarist and singer for Amethyst Drive, a recently popular boy band.  He's a total hunk, broke up with me in a song in front of hundreds, and decided, on a whim, to come to Lakewood.  

"What are you?" Evan asked.  "A guard dog?"

"I am pleased to inform you that Ethan thinks of me as a brother figure.  I'm here to make sure asses like you don't bother my friends."

"I'm here to make sure asses like yours don't get too close with my ex."  Evan shot back.  

"Are you suggesting that I'm gay or something?"

"Something like that.  You're the roommate.  Don't you know?"

That bastard! I thought.  Was he going to tell Neil my secret?  I threw open the door just as Neil hit Evan's model worthy face right in the nose.  I winced.  

"You bastard."  Evan growled from the floor.  He was one of those guys that still looked sexy with a cup of blood pouring out of their nose.  It took real skill, but I still hated him.  "You're not a brother figure."  He stood up. "I just wanted to talk with Ethan."  He said over his shoulder as he began to walk away.  

"Let's go, Ethan."  Neil said, holding open the door.  

I glanced once more at Evan's retreating back before ducking under Neil's arm and going back to my homework. 

Adam was not happy.  I think it was the first time I had seen his emotions even slightly displaced from condescending happiness.  He just glared at Cole, forcing him to step down.  Adam shut the door in his face.

"Now then."  He smiled.  "I heard you'll be participating in the Ladies Department."

"Don't remind me."  I replied, taking a seat at the table in room 222.  "It'll completely ruin my disguise."

"I can help you."  Adam took the seat across from me.  

"For a price?" I guessed.

"Exactly."  Adam tapped his fingers on the table.  "I'll help you, and you will have to return the favor someday." 

"That's all?" I had expected the very worst.

"Right."

"OK.  I'll do it."

Adam grinned sadistically, and I knew I had made a mistake.  "Can I take that back?" I asked timidly.

He ignored me, clapped his hands twice, and ushered in half a dozen people that ended up being tailors and seamstresses.  They measured everything, from the size of my head to the length of my toes.  One of the men asked me to strip so they could get more accurate measurements.  Adam fired him immediately.   They finished without asking anything else and told Adam and me that it would be ready tomorrow morning.  

"Why are you doing this?" I said to Adam when they had all left.

"I want our dorm to win, that's why."

"Oh."  Had I expected it to be out of the kindness of his heart? No, I guess that didn't make any sense.  "What's your costume?"  I asked to cover the awkward silence.

"I can't tell you that." Adam smiled.  "But I'll be competing in the Kings' Competition.  The others really have no chance."

And I didn't doubt that.  With his blue eyes and blonde hair, Adam was a perfect golden boy.  I wondered if all the other Kings wouldn't just give up at the sight of him.  

"No way." I found myself saying to Neil, Hans, Frans, Taki, Edmund, and Rin, all crammed into our dorm.  "No way in hell." 

Rin looked like she was going to cry.  "Why not, Girl?" She asked, her voice quivering. 

"Because I'm a guy, that's why."  I lied, but no 'guy' would ever wear this frilly, this dainty, this--

"It looks OK." Hans said, snickering.  

"Decent."  Frans nodded.

"I like it."  Taki said loudly, then blushed.  "Never mind." 

The dress itself, chosen by Rin, the "woman in residence" (she's neither a woman (age 5 or something) or in residence, but O well), was not bad at all.  In fact, I wanted desperately to take it home and wear it to one of my grandmother's tea parties.  It was white, with lace, and looked like what I liked to call a sacrifice-the-virgin dress.  It tied behind the neck like a halter top and was both classic and totally in fashion at the same time.  

"It's not that bad."  Edmund commented.  "A lot of boys last year wore worse."

"I can't believe you guys would force me into something like this."  I gestured toward the dress.  "I thought you were my friends."

"Yeah, you're mine."  Hans said.  "But friends--"

"--have to make sacrifices."  Frans finished without skipping a beat.

"Have I ever told you that I love you two?" I asked sarcastically.

"Why them?"  Taki asked.  "All they do is make fun of you!"

"It was a joke." I explained flatly.  

"Oh."

"What about the dress?"  Neil asked.  "A veto, because Friday is the costume Gala, and if you don't have something..."

"I can always do some other event."  I reminded them.

"No way!"  Hans cried, jumping to his feet.  "You were made for the Ladies Department."

"Yeah."  Frans agreed.  "Those fine facial bones, the delicate frame, the big, blue eyes."

"If you were a girl..."

"Let's not go there, brother."

"Right."  

They sat down and the Rin pulled out the next dress.

The evening went on in this manner until everyone was bored (two dresses later) and we all went to dinner together, where I was ambushed by Cole (we had to lock him out of the dorm) and waited on hand and foot.  

"Rise and shine, O great one." Cole woke me by pulling off the blankets, assaulting me with the cold air.

"I'm sleeping." I said, putting my face in the pillow.

"But if you don't wake up now, you could get negative health effects from sleeping in."

"What negative health effects?"

He shrugged. "Guess what, O great one."

"What?" I said angrily, climbing out of my bed. "And stop calling me such stupid things."

He ignored the last part, brandishing a newspaper like a sword. "I am no longer poor." He said with triumph. "Daddy's company went up again."

"That's great. Does this mean you'll stop being my personal slave?"

"Nope." Cole grinned. "Now I am free to wait upon my savior with all of my body and soul."

"No, thanks." I said, but despite my protest, Cole became my voluntary, totally devoted servant. For breakfast, I had tea, made by him, and eggs. (I hate eggs, but telling him that would have been so cruel.) Then he followed me around like a lost puppy, offering various services.

"I'm leaving." I erupted, very irritated. "I'm going to take a bath."

"Then let me help you. I can get those hard to reach places, like your back." Cole offered enthusiastically.

"Hey." Taki cut in. "If anyone is going to be scrubbing Ethan's back, it's going to be me."

"Who do you think you are? I'm Master Ethan's unworthy follower."

"Oh yeah?" Taki said. "Well, I'm his homosexual relationship on the side."

"What?!" Both Cole and I shouted at he same time.

"Never mind." Taki looked extremely embarrassed. "I'm going." And he walked away, his ears about the same shade of red as the Lakewood uniform.

"I'm leaving too." I announced, and went off in the opposite direction to the dorms.

For once, Cole didn't follow.

It just so happened that today, when I was going to the rooftop to play violin, I walked in on a suicide attempt. His name was Cole Doyle, a freshman in French I. He stood by the edge, having already climbed over the edge.

"Don't do it!" I shouted, dropping my violin case and rushing over toward him. "Your life is important. Don't waste it."

"It's no use." He said sadly, not even turning around. "Ever since father's stock dropped.....I've been....poor."

"It's not that bad!" I yelled (the wind made it rather hard to hear.) "I'm a scholarship student. I've life my whole life without boatloads of money and summer houses. You don't have to give up!"

"But I have no money...Life is money...Money is life..."

"Don't do it, Cole."

"I can't...go on...."

I grabbed his shirt. (Thank goodness it was silk, such a strong fabric. It wasn't trashy silk either, but cool, semi-retro silk.) "If you need money so badly, why don't you just get a job?!"

"Work?" Cole said it in the same questioning, half-horrified way that all the other rich boys used when talking about such an unholy subject. "You mean...a job?"

"Yeah. It's not that bad. I mean, sometimes, it's actually fun to work."

Cole's eyes filled with new hope. At least, I hoped it was hope and not something like final resolve or hatred directed tot he arrogant commoner with a fist full of his not-cheap silk shirt.

"Alright." He said after a long moment. "I'll try it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."


I ran into Cole again at dinner.

"Ethan!" He shouted, running toward me. "You saved me from my own self annihilation. I am forever in your debt."

This was quite a change from the depressed Cole from before. He seemed positively jovial. "No problem." I said offhandedly. "Have you found a job yet?"

"Yep." He smiled smugly. "I am now Adam Carter's personal..." He lowered his voice. "Spy."

"Spy?!" i exclaimed loudly. "Why the hell does that bastard need a spy?"

From behind me I heard 'that bastard' hit himself in the forehead. "Cole." He scolded gently, as if he were speaking to a child. "Didn't we agree that your new job would be a secret?"

"Right, sir." Cole saluted Adam, standing up army-straight and removing the smile from his face.

"Then why did you tell target?" Adam asked.

"The target of an espionage mission should always be informed, sir."

"Where did you hear that?" Adam looked defeated by Cole's stupidity.

"Wait." I said. "You," I pointed at Adam, "hired him," I pointed at Cole, "to spy on me?"

"Right." Both Adam and Cole said at the same time.

"I have to know what the club dog is doing." Adam explained.

If we had been standing closer, I would have punched him. "I'm leaving."

"I'm coming with you." Cole said, practically bouncing along behind me. "Can I carry your bag, Ethan?"

"No. I'm fine."

"What about you're homework? Can I do yours for you?"

"No. I have to learn it myself."

"How about your laundry?"

I turn on my heal. "What's with you? Why are you offering to help? Aren't you supposed to be spying on me?"

"But I am in your debt. You saved me when I thought all hope was lost. You are my new light in the darkness, Lord Ethan."

"Lord?" I repeated.

"Can't I call you lord?"

"No way. I'm poor, remember?"

"Then can I call you Mr. Smith?"

"No! Just call me Ethan."

"If I call you that, can I clean your dorm room?"

"No."

"What about straightening your books?"

"No, thanks."

"Can I shine your shoes? Iron your clothes? Fix you tea in the morning?"

"No!"

"What about a back massage, Lord Ethan?"

"I told you not to call me that."

"Sorry, my lord."

I sighed heavily. There was just no winning against the energetic type.

Takashi, Taki's older brother, arrived today with their younger sister, Rin. She stood about three feet tall and looked up at me with bright eyes.

"You're Girl." She said.

"What?!" I took a step back. Was it really so obvious? Would anyone believer her? "I'm not a girl."

"You're Girl." Rin repeated with more force. She turned to Neil. "You're Pomegranate."

"Pomegranate?" He repeated.

"Sorry, Neil." Taki said. "But Rin is going through a phase or something. She renames everything."

Rin wrinkled her little nose at her brother. "Nii-chan is Lilac."

"Rin." Taki hissed at his sister, blushing. "Stop embarrassing me in front of Ethan."

"Girl?" She asked. "Girl is called Ethan?"

"Yeah."

"I like Girl better." Rin smiled once more at me. "Bye-bye, Girl. Bye-bye, Pomegranate."

Neil and I waved as Rin dragged "Nii-chan" away.

"That was weird." Neil said, watching their retreating backs.

"Just a little." I replied.


"What's up, Lilac?" Hans jumped into the seat next to Taki.

"Shut up, Monkey." He replied.

"I consider the nickname of 'Monkey' to be a complement." Hans stated pompously. "Now, if little Rin had named me something like 'Lucy,' I don't think I could ever show my face around here again."

"Good thing I have more balls than you." Edmund (Lucy) replied sourly.

"Could we not be so crude?" Frans (Monkey 2) asked with mock politeness. "We do have Girl in our presence."

I didn't have time to retaliate. Rin came into the lunchroom, dragging Matt and Jake, two sporty boys off the soccer team. "Vivian and Moondust." She declared.

The room erupted in laughter.

"So who else has been named?" I asked Taki after the noise had died down. "Have the Zachs been caught yet?"

"No, they haven't. Come to think of it, I haven't seen them in a while."

"Yeah." Hans agreed. "Oh well."

And just like that, the disappearance of three of our friends was dismissed.

"Princess!" Rin shouted, and her childish, high voice carried over the babbling of the lunch room, which quickly quieted. "Princess!" She waved from her vantage point atop one of the tables.

And no other than Adam waved back.

Rin scrambled off the table to Adam's side. "Princess, what are you doing here. You should wait in the castle."

"I'm sorry." Adam bent down and pinched her nose affectionately. "But I have important, royal duties to attend to."

"OK." Rin said energetically. "I'll come with you."

"I'm sorry, Rin." Adam said sweetly.

"But--" She began to retort, but Butterfly stepped between them.

"The princess has work to do." He said, the first real sentence I had ever heard him speak, and the look in his eyes would have probably given me nightmares for a month, had I a had a weaker mind.

Rin stared at him for a long time. I thought she would start crying, but, in a slightly hesitant voice, she said, "Butterfly?"

He nodded.

"Have they met?" I asked Taki in a whisper, pointing at his sister and Butterfly.

"No, they haven't."

"I guess his persona just screams 'butterfly' at you." I said, just as Alex rushed into the room.

"Adam--" He began, but stopped at the sight of Rin. He bent down to her eye level and asked, "Are you the little girl who's been renaming everybody?"

Rin nodded.

"Well, then." Alex smiled. "What's my name?"

Rin thought for a moment. "Root."

Alex looked as if she had stabbed him in the heart. His legs shook as he got to his feet. "Alright then." He said in a soft voice that I had to strain to hear. "I'll take the ugly name. The only ugly name."

Therefore, when Damian was dubbed Rainbow, I found it very ironic.


Later, in the Four Lords club, I took the rare opportunity to get back at Adam.

"So, Adam," I asked. "If you're the princess, who's the prince?"

"Shut up, Girl."

"Hey, don't talk that way to a lady!"

"You shut up too, Root."

"Cool it, Princess."

"Don't order me around, Rainbow."

And Butterfly just stood back in silence.


I had a sinking suspicion that the troubles with Rin would not be over....

"Strip poker?" I repeated. "I'll pass."

"Come on, Ethan." Hans said.

"Are you a chicken?" Frans asked.

"No." I replied. "I just don't want to play strip poker."

"What about real poker then?" Edmund asked.

"No, that would be no fun." Hans said.

"Yeah. You'd go broke in the first round." Frans shuffled a deck of cards. "I'm dealer. Who's in?"

"Not me." I said.

"I am." Taki cleared off the table in the common room.

"Same here." Edmund took a seat.

"I guess I'll play too." Neil sat down too.

I was pushed into a chair between Hans and Frans with no way of escape.

Thank goodness I dressed in layers was all I could think after we began to play. I had on a sweatshirt, my school uniform, a tshirt, and two pairs of socks (my feet were freezing this morning.) When my classmates were half naked and starting to get worried, I was still decently clothed.

"I win again." Neil said, collecting the pile of shirts in the middle, along with my tie.

"Are you staking the deck, Frans?" Taki asked, who was down to just his pants.

"If I was, don't you think I'd be doing it to help Hans?" He retorted. "Neil's just so damn lucky."

Neil shrugged. "I guess so."

"You know." I said, taking the pause in action to attempt to get away. "I think I'll go do my homework."

"I think you're a chicken. You just don't want to take off any more clothes. "

"OK, maybe I am." I said. "I have some bad scars on my back, so I really--"

"Scars?" Hans and Frans said together. "Let's see them."

"If Ethan doesn't want to," Taki began, "I don't think we should make him."

"You just don't want other people to see him naked."

"Keeping the sight all for yourself."

Both Taki and I were very red. Hans and Frans grinned dangerously.

"I don't know what you mean." Taki said, blushing even more.

"That's it." I stood up. "I'm out of here."

And I ran out of the room, hoping that Neil would win and give me back my clothes. But, like today in the poker game, luck was not on my side.

"I heard that you're going out with my little sister." A sophomore boy found me at lunch.

"I swear," I said, for about the hundredth time, "I'm not going out with Caroline. I only met her twice."

"She says she's in love with you."

"I don't care." I nearly shouted. I was still suffering from lack of sleep. Caroline had called roughly every ten minutes. Neil, too, was working on about three hours of sleep. He winced when I raised my voice.

"Volume." He begged softly. "My head."

"Right, sorry." I said. "But my relationship with Caroline is nonexistent."

"If you make her cry, you'll go to hell." Caroline's brother threatened before turning and leaving the lunchroom.

"Stop." I called after him.

"E-than." Neil groaned. "Will you just be quiet?"

"Sorry." I said, jumping up and getting my foot caught on the table. After jumping to disentangle myself, I scrambled after him, trying to explain myself. Well, sort of trying, since I couldn't exactly tell him everything.

"But I don't like her." I said. "I hardly even know her. And she just declared the other day that we were going out, and--"

"Shhhh." The boy shushed me as we entered another building. I noticed a cross and pews. It was a church. "We're in God's house now. Let's not argue."

I stopped trying to talk to explain, but didn't stop following him. Maybe I'd get a chance on his way out. How long did a stop by the local school chapel take anyway?

The answer: a long time.

first, I met Father Dominic. He's, well, the father dude. He greeted the boy by name (and his name was Gabriel, as in the angel.), shook my hand warmly, and formally welcomed me into the church. Even before I started at Lakewood, I hadn't been very religious, and kneeling next to Gabriel for half an hour in front of a half naked, bleeding man on a cross was not exactly my cup of tea. After my knees went numb, I spoke to Gabriel. "So, do you come here everyday?"

He nodded. "I try to pray as much as possible."

"But do you have to do it here?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I do."

"But I'm sure God listens when you're standing up." I told him, slowly getting to my feet (my legs hurt too.)

"Ethan, if you're going to date my sister--"

"I'm not dating your sister!" I shouted, and my voice rang out lounder than I had expected, echoing in the stone sanctuary. "I don't like your sister that way. I don't like anybody that way. Just leave me alone!"

I stomped out of the church, fed up with this Caroline business. If I ever saw her again...

Neil was sleeping in our room, so I walked down the hall and pounded on Taki and Edmund's door.

Edmund answered, his lower body wrapped in a towel and his hair still wet from a shower. "Can I help you?"

I turned red. "I'll come back later."

"Embarrassed, are we?" Edmund asked. "You're really shy."

"Ethan?" Taki said from in the room. "Is that you?"

"No." I called to him. "Just another, random stranger, knocking on your door. I'll be going now." I walked down the hall, Edmund's laughter chasing after me.

Neil looked furious.  You could practically see the flames of anger emanating from him, like some sort of bad cartoon.  

Hans set down the shoe he was still holding aloft.  A mother rushed her young children out of the store.  I tried to disappear, but found once again that the ability eluded me.  

"Hey." I said nervously.  "What's up?"

Neil's glare had me whimpering in the corner.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry."

"Let's go."  Neil said, gruffly.

"You don't hate me?" I asked.  

"Of course not."  Neil said, but his eyes looked just as angry.  He wiped lipstick off his cheek, glaring at the others, and we left.

"So....um...."I began in the taxi.  "What exactly happened?"

"I woke up half naked in the girls bathroom with half a dozen girls trying to force their affections onto me."

No wonder he's pissed. I thought.  

The rest of the drive passed in silence, and then, when we got off a Lakewood, Neil just handed the driver a hundred dollar bill and told him to keep the change.  

So went Saturday.  Sunday began like this.

The time: seven thirty

The place: dorm dining hall

Jake (he's a freshman too, in some of my classes.  Very sporty): I heard you're going out with Caroline, Ethan.

Me (after choking on my milk): What?! Who told you that?

Matt (Jake's friend): Some guys have all the luck.  Did you know that she's an heiress?

Me:  I suspected that she was rich, but we're not going out.

Taki (overhearing wrongly): What?! Ethan has a girlfriend?

Me: No!

Jake and Matt: Yes.

Neil (arriving at table with food): How come you didn't tell me, Ethan?  I'm you're roommate, after all.

Me: I had no idea until just now.  Does anyone have her number?  I need to break up with her.

Jake: Why?

Matt: She's hot.

Me: I don't care.  I didn't even have a say in this decision.  

Taki:  Let him do what he wants, guys.

Me: Thanks.

Taki (blushing):  No problem.

And then I called Caroline and broke up the relationship before it even began.  It seems that she had just declared herself my girlfriend after Xoi and I "broke up."

I hung up the phone, glad it was sorted out.

"Dude, do you have no weakness to tears?" Matt asked.  

"Those were fake sobs."  I told him knowledgeably.  "Anyway, why should I go out with someone I don't like?"

"'Cause she's hot."

"Unless Ethan likes somebody else..." Neil said mischievously.  

"Tell us who it is." Taki demanded.  

I ignored them.  "I'm going back to bed."  I said, stuffing a waffle into my mouth.  But as soon as I was in my room, I grabbed my violin and left again, going to the rooftop and playing, waiting to talk to the Second Violin.  He always made me feel a little bit better.   

"What's up?" He asked after the Beethoven we'd been playing.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I told him.  "How can I get rid of Caroline?  How do I keep from exposing my secret in the costume gala?  What happens when they find out?"

"Be a jerk, act the same, and expulsion.  In that order."  He replied.  "That's the answer to your questions.  "Call on me anytime. I'd love to help."  And he left the roof in a total of about three seconds. 

I hung out on the roof until Taki found me and challenged me to a tennis match.  I lost.  

"How about this one?"  I held up an orange striped shirt and showed it to Hans.  

"Too boring."  He replied.

"Too cheep."  Frans said, pushing his head through the curtain of shirts, examining the price tag.  "Nothing good comes from cheep clothing."

"Get out of the clothing rack." I scolded.  "I always try to buy things on clearance."

Hans and Frans chuckled.  "Figures."

"How about this one?"  Neil said from across the store, holding up an emerald green shirt.  "It might help bring out your eyes, Taki."  

"That's just like our Neil."  Hans and Frans said together.  "Able to find quality clothing in such a low class store."

"Yonkers is not low class." I retorted.  

"So you say." They replied.  

"I like it." Taki said, commenting on the shirt.  "I think I could pull it off in the casual."

"Too cheep." The twins complained.  "Just let our mom make something for you."

"Your mom?"  I raised a single eyebrow.  (I had to practice a lot to do that.)

"She's a famous designer."  They explained.  "I bet even you'd know her name, but we won't tell it to you."

"Why not?"  I put the orange shirt back on the rack with a sharp click. 

"We'd rather surprise you."  

I sighed, exasperated.  "So, do we have clothes for Taki?"

"No."  The twins said together.  

I sighed again.  "This is worse than shopping with girls."  

"You were the one who insisted we go to this poor person's place."  Hans argued.

"It's called a mall."

"Whatever."

"I'm going to take a break."  I announced.  

"I'll go with you."  Taki said immediately.  

"But we're shopping for you!" Frans shouted.  

"Let's all take a break."  Neil said, breaking up the fight before it began.  "I'm tired."

And he was tired.  When we were resting our feet outside of Shiels, He fell asleep on the squishy couch next to me.  

"Should we leave him?" Frans asked his brother.

"He'd be pissed."  Hans warned.  

"I'll stay." I offered, knowing what help I'd be to the group.

"I'll stay with Ethan."  Taki said.

"Oh, no, you won't."  Hans and Frans grabbed each of his arms and hauled him away.  

So I sat alone in the mall, Neil sleeping beside me.  Tons of girls pointed and "ooo-ed" because, frankly, Neil looked insanely hot with such a relaxed, peaceful expression on his already gorgeous face.  

"Are those guys gay lovers?" Someone asked.  

I couldn't help blushing.  On the next available opportunity, I left him and joined the others in Famous Footwear.   My friends were having a great time chucking shoes at each other (because rich kids don't just try them on.  They test them for aerodynamics too.), when, with a look of intense rage on his face and blue eyes blazing, Neil appeared at the end of one of the isles.  

"Oh, shit."  Hans and Frans said together.

NEXT TIME: THE WRATH OF NEIL!  COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU!

Shall I call it awkward?  Because, Romeo and Juliet with all guys really is.  WE started it today in English class, and I just about died from laughing.  

A member of the drama club, named Galahad (no kidding), began as Sampson, supported by a Gregory who's name I didn't know.  If you don't know the play, those two speak with tons of innuendo for the first couple of pages, and Galahad made a quite inappropriate (but very funny) gesture for "thrust."  But when Taki entered as Romeo, I laughed so hard that I had to lean against my desk for support.  Neil's Benvolio was perfect, and I realized just how great he was at acting.  He gave Galahad a run for his money.

Alex was forced to be Juliet, but we didn't get to any of his parts.  The sword fight in the first scene lasted too long, and, when everyone was shouting and calling out stuff like "You're defence is bad," "watch you're foot work," and "get him while he's down," it took a while for the teacher to calm everyone down.  

Everyone was in a festive, Shakespearean mood after that, and we walked down the hallways together, shouting all of the bard's stuff that we had memorized.  

"All the worlds a stage..." Neil began overdramatically.

"But never has there been a tale of more woe than this of Othello."  

"For not having that, which, having, makes them short." Neil said, explaining.

"In love?"  I asked.

"Out--"

"Rebellious subjects, enemies to the peace."  Hans interrupted, pushing aside Frans in an attempt to be more princely.

Frans righted himself.  "Do you quarrel, sir?"

"Quarrel sir! No, sir."  Hans got right up in his brother's face.  

Hans looked apologetically at his brother.  "Oh, coz.  I rather weep."

"You know this really makes no sense."  I told them, breaking up their touching scene.  

Neil put a hand on my shoulder.  "At least this palpable-gross play hath well beguiled the heavy gait of night."

"It's just a little past noon."  I informed him, pointing to the sun out the window.  

All the boys laughed.  

"I'm going to be late for class."  I told them.  "Parting is such sweet sorrow."

Two words: Costume Gala.  Two little words, that was all it took, to strike fear into my heart.  

I found out today that a week before finals began, Lakewood Academy had an annual costume gala, which seemed to turn into a sort show put on for the girls at Saint Catherine's for money, pride, and the opportunity for not taking a final.  Everyone, or nearly so, participated, and the dorm building with the most winners (there were several events) got a special prizes.   Most of these events were normal: swimsuit, formal wear, casual.  But there were also some that were very abnormal, like common people wear, the "King's" competition, and the so-called "ladies department." It was that last one that I was dreading the most.  

Neil was the one that informed me about it, saying that he'd probably sign up for the formal wear.  

"What about swimsuit?" I said.  "And what's the "King's" competition?"

"You chose an ancient king to represent, dress like them, and the winner gets a kiss from the "Queen" at SC."

"Oh.  Why don't you join that one?"

"Freshmen rarely win.  And I'd rather help the dorm by wining a smaller event than losing because I was superficial.  But if our dorm doesn't have a good candidate...."  He shrugged.  "What do you think?  Could I do Arthur of Camelot?"  He put his foot on a nearby desk and struck up a heroic pose.  "Or should I try for something less cliche?"

I laughed.  "How about Xerxes....or King Lukengu of the Bakete?"

Neil grinned.  "You mean the guy with 800 wives?"  He laughed.  "Let's see..."  He paused and turned away from me, the turned back, a completely different look on his face.  "Ethan..." He said, letting my fake name slide slowly across his tongue.  "Ethan..."

"You're starting to creep me out."  I told him seriously.

"But Ethan,"  He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into him.  "Come.  Join my other wives." 

Hans and Frans entered at this time, looking curious.   

"Hans!" Neil cried, pushing me aside and pretending to try to kiss him.  

Hans pushed him away.  "Has he been drinking?" He asked me.

"He's practicing for the King's competition."  I explained.  "He's that king with eight hundred wives."

Neil stopped his act.  "So?" He asked.  "How was it?"

"Not very convincing." The twins said in unison, just as I said, "Not bad."

Neil smiled.  "I guess I'll stick with formal wear."

"And you, Ethan?" Hans asked, grinning dangerously.

"What are you entering?" Frans said. 

"Because the other dorms have boys like Alex and Collin."

"They have boys who look a lot like girls."  Frans smiled wickedly at his brother.  

"And you know what they wear in the "ladies department"?"

"Let me guess."  I said unenthusiastically.

All three boys exchanged smiles that made my stomach drop.  Would this stupid Gala give away my secret?

Things you learn from a boys' school (abridged)

1. Shower every day (I guess not all of the guys are getting this one. Listen, guys, no matter how fun you might think it is, it is so not cool to smell like you have spent a week in the desert.)

2. Don't talk about money (At least, if you're not rich, don't talk about it. If you even mention your paycheck from Barnes and Noble, all the rich kids (everyone) will die from laughter.)

3. Don't pee in Mountain Dew bottles and give them to people to drink

4. Never go to your friends' rooms in the middle of the night to watch movies. You never know what it will really be.

5. When girls show up looking for a certain person, do not send them off in the opposite direction.

6. When parents show up looking for a certain person, do not send them off in the opposite direction.

7. When someone who looks rich and important shows up, it is best to assume that they are.

8. Don't question the fried rice.

9. Never give your so-called friends your address.

10. Beware the eides of March

11. Remember my motto: Rich kids are insane

12. Make sure you have a gay friend to talk with.

13. Do not trust masked men.

14. Do not trust boys that look like angels especially if they're rich.

15. Unlike chocolate and coffee, teenage boys are not better rich.

16. Speed limits do not always apply to rich kids.

17. Brush up on your DragonBall Z knowledge.

18. Know that it is healthy to skip class once and a while.

19. Beware your friends' little sisters.

20. Twilight discussions are a no-no

21. Don't do theater

22. Unless you have a high pain tolerance, do not play sports.

23. If at all possible, avoid gym class.

24. Stay away from womanizers, people with the same name, foreign cars, and gay teachers.

25. Dances are like hell.

26. Don't keep pets unless you can afford to buy other people's silence.

27. Have a handful of well practiced lies.

28. Cherish your free time.

29. Do not be fooled by a guy's looks. They're probably a sadist.

30. No matter how you try to avoid awkward situations, they will always find you.

Adam's 'beeper thing' went off around three in the morning.  Neil swore at it and I groaned, turned it off, and hauled myself out of bed.  I trudged down the dark hallways until I arrived at his room.  

Adam was sitting up in his huge bed, reading a thick book.  "I'm hungry."  He stated, closing the book with a snap.  "Get me some food from the kitchens."

"OK." I agreed.  There was no arguing with him.  "What do you want?  Chicken soup?"

"Nope." Adam said confidently.  "Get me ice cream."

"Are you really sick?" I asked.  

"Do you doubt me?" Adam's voice held such mock innocence that I had to leave to avoid choking on it.  

I walked to the kitchens.  There was one in each of the dorm rooms, and then a really big one in the main building.  I opened the door to the nearest one and was hit by the smell of breakfast. cooking.  most cooks probably don't get up at three, but for Lakewood to serve its three course breakfasts at five, I guess they had too.  Men in white shirts moved efficiently around the place and I was nearly trampled by a cook.  

"What are you doing here?" He asked, shouting above the clanging of metal pots and spoons. 

"I need to get ice cream for Adam." I shouted back.  

Two minuted later I held a giant bowl of vanilla ice cream and was literally pushed out of the kitchen.   

"So hospitable." I murmured to myself.  

I took a few steps when I ran into Kellen, the hot sub.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, very shocked.

"I could ask you the same thing."  He shrugged.  "But I guess we both have our reasons for wandering the school at night."

"I bringing this for Adam."  I held up the bowl.  "He's sick."

"Are you sure he doesn't just want a cute little boy bringing him food in the middle of the night?" Kellen joked.

I stopped walking.  "What are you saying?"

"What part do you want me to explain?" He retorted, smiling.  "That he wants to see you at night or that I said you were cute."

This was just a little too weird.  "Can I just pretend that I didn't hear that?"

Kellen shrugged.  "You can, I guess, but, as a teacher, I think you have the right to know that not all his feelings may be of simple friendship."

I laughed.  "Since when has Adam had feelings?"

"For a while, I suspect." Kellen sighed.  "I've been looking into your relationship with him, and I think that--"

"Whatever you're thinking,it's wrong." I interrupted.  "Adam and I aren't even friends.  He just orders me around.  Besides, he's not gay."  And then, because it seemed a little rude, I added "Sir," just to be safe.  

"I'm just saying be careful."  Kellen winked.  "You're really cute, almost like a girl."

Was it even legal for a teacher to say that?  Kellen was just a sub, but he did live at Lakewood with the teachers who didn't want to stay in the town.  I was debating the morality of that statement when Kellen departed, and I realized that Adam's ice cream was growing warm.  I rushed to his room and threw open the door.  "Adam, I brought--" But I stopped.  

Adam was sleeping, tangled up in the covers of his bed, his golden hair splayed around him like a halo.  His pure hotness hit me like a two ton brick on my forehead, and I walked over to his nightstand, placing his ice cream on top of his book.  

"You really look like an angel."  I told the sleeping Adam quietly.  "If only you acted like one.  Then maybe I'd care more about what Kellen told me."

"What did he say?" Adam replied sleepily, his eyes flickering open. 

"Nothing."  I spun around quickly so he wouldn't see me blush.  "I'm going back to sleep."

And I did return to my room, but I couldn't fall asleep.

"I'm here to dilute the situation." Stephani announced as I open the door that morning.

"What?" I asked, still partially asleep.

"To dilute it. You know, defuse the tension."

"What are you even talking about?" I yawned. "By the way, happy birthday."

"Thanks. Can I see Neil?"

I laughed and opened the door. "Neil, my friend is here to..." But I trailed off. He wasn't there.

"Neil?" I asked the empty room. "Where are you?"

"He's not here?"

"Yeah. That's really funny." I scanned the room again, like I had just missed him the first time. "Weird funny, not funny funny." I clarified.

"I get it." Stephani said, and we went together to the dining hall.  She stayed until the end of first period, when she left to go visit Xoi, who still wasn't talking to me.  

Second period, when the teacher was in the middle of a lecture, he was interrupted.  Adam threw open the door with a bang and stumbled into the room.  He must have been feeling even worse than yesterday, because he hadn't even bothered to get dressed and was wearing a long white bathrobe with gold embroidery.  He walked over to my desk, dropped a beeper thing (it beeps when the master beeper thing tells it to), and walked out.  

The teacher went back to lecturing like nothing had even happened.  

Neil arrived back at Lakewood at lunchtime, wearing a blue silk, Chinese style shirt and an expression that made me want to comfort him out of his misery.    

"He's insane."  Neil was mumbling.  

"Who's insane?" I asked as I sat down next to him.  

"My father."  He gestured to his shirt.  "I was kidnapped and taken halfway to China before I could bribe the pilot to take me back."  

"Kidnapped?  Taken to China?"

Neil sighed, nodding.  "My father thinks that he's a Shaolin monk."  He buried his head in his hands. 

"Poor Neil."  I said sympathetically.  "My friend came this morning, but you weren't there.  I had no idea that you had been kidnapped.  Rich people are really weird."

Neil laughed.  "You've only scraped the surface, little Ethan."

"Hey, don't you start calling me that too!"

Neil put a hand on my head, using it slightly to help him stand up.  "I'm going to get food."  He said and left.  

A lot happened today and yesterday, so its taken me some time to write it all down.  Let me begin.

Cecelia and I went to the amusement park about an hour from her house with her church group.  I didn't know any of them, and it was a little awkward.  Her little brother came too.

So we were driving down one of those winding country roads in a big bus when a streak of red passed us on the left.

"Wow." Several boys pressed their noses to the glass.  "It's a Ferrari."

I looked out my window, and, to my immense horror, Adam was the one driving the red Ferrari.

I swore a lot, but Adam didn't seem to have noticed us.  He drove past us and out of sight.

Relieved, I arrived at the park, clutching my ticket in one hand and my oversize sweat shirt in the other, just in case it got cold.  But as Cecelia and I approached the ticket gate, I saw a sight more terrifying than the red Ferrari.

Adam stood at one of the counters, wearing designer jeans, arguing with the ticket person.  (I'm not quite sure what they're called.)

"Are you questioning me?" I could hear him say.

Suddenly a portly man in a crisp suit ran/wobbled up.  "Don't you know who this man it?" He demanded of the ticket person.  "This here is Mr. Adam Carter.  One day, he will own everything within a ten mile radius of here.  I advise you to let him through."  He turned to Adam.  "Sir," he addressed.  "May I give you a tour of the park?"

Adam smiled that perfect smile of his.  "No need, Mr. Bartly.  I am capable of taking care of myself."  And he walked through the gate like he owned the place.  And, if you think about it, he kind of does.

But I refused to allow my rare opportunity to see Cecelia go to waste, and I was determined to have as much fun as I possibly could.  That meant every single ride, the more thrilling the better, would soon be conquered by me.

One little problem with that plan: lines.  After waiting half an hour to get on a roller coaster, I decided I would have to make a more careful game plan so I could catch every ride.  So in the line for the Big Drop (you know, when it takes you up really high and drops you several times), I began to draw up an order for the rides, taking into account waiting times and distance.  But it didn't real work, because there was no way that I could know everything about the park, like the dead ends (in the worst places, of course) and that the tilt-a-whirl was closed.  My map strategy was a complete failier.  

"Cheer up, Nathi."  Cecelia patted me on the back.  "Let's just go there."  She pointed at the swings.

Not only was it a good choice of rides to cheer me up, but the guy controlling it was really cute.  So, in line after riding it twice, Cecelia and I talked *cough* flirted *cough* with him, just a little bit.

"So where are you girls from?" He asked, leaning on the fence.  

"I live just a while out from here."  Cecelia replied. 

"I'm staying with her."  I said.  "I go to school far away."

"How far?  California far or India far?" He asked.  

"What if it's somewhere between?" I looked up at him, batting my eyelashes.

There was a loud smack, and the cute worker jumped about a foot away from me.  I looked up to see Adam, his fist and forearm one the wall right above my head in one of those protective, this-is-my-girl gestures.  "Shut up and get back to work."  He told the boy harshly.  "Come on."  He grabbed my arm.  "We're leaving."

I yanked my arm out of his grip as soon as we were out of the line.  "What is wrong with you?" I shouted.  "You've been acting weird all weekend."

Adam just looked at me for a long time.  I couldn't tell if he was thinking or just spacing out.  

"Adam?" I asked after about thirty second.  "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine." He said, running a hand through his hair.  "I'm not feeling so well."

"Do you think you have the Swine Flu?"  I reached up a hand and put it against his forehead. "You're really warm."  

Adam stepped back quickly.  "I said I'll be fine."  He began to storm off, but stopped.  "Give me your ticket."  He said, looking over his shoulder at me.

I did as he asked, and he took out a pen, scribbled something on it, and gave it back to me.  "Now you don't have to wait in lines."

I stared at the note on the back of the ticket, saying that I had his permission to cut in front of everyone in line. Had he really done something nice for me?  He must really be feeling ill.

All in all, Cecelia and I had a pretty nice time, and, when her parents drove me back to Lakewood that night, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep without even talking my clothes off.  

Monday began normally.  Classes went normally.  The club meeting for the Four Lords was not normal.

Adam, it seemed,was sick after all.  It wasn't the Swine Flu, but he'd be in bed a couple more days.  I ended up, as the club dog, running all sorts of errands for Damian, who was supposed to be doing work but really having sex in a closet with a girl from Saint Catherine's.  

I was waiting to pick up some papers in the office, when a man came through the door, dressed in clothes that could only be described as 'business casual.'  "Hello." He said to the secretary.  "I'm here to see my son, Cornelius Blake."

"Just a minute, Mr. Blake."  She replied, grabbed an intercom, and called down Neil.  

Neil's father sat down next to me in one of the waiting area's chairs.  

The bell on the office door chimes, and my roommate stepped through.  His dad leapt to his feet.  "Neil!" He exclaimed, and opened his arms for a fatherly embrace.

Two seconds later, Mr. Blake was on the floor, pinned down by some complex martial arts from his son.  

"That's my boy."  His father said and threw his son to the floor.  Then they both sprang to their feet, adopting fighting stances.  

"No fighting in the building, Mr. Blake Elder and Mr. Blake Jr."  The secretary said from behind the counter.   She held up a stack of papers.  "Mr. Smith, your papers are ready."

I got up and accepted them.  "Hey, Neil."  I said, walking between he and his dad.

"What's up, Ethan?"  Neil said as though he hadn't just been sparring with his father.  

"Nothing much.  Running errands."

"Is this you're friend, Neil?" Mr. Blake asked.  

"Yeah.  Ethan's my roommate."

"Charming." His father clapped his hands.  "You must come to see us this summer, Ethan."

"Dad." Neil said threateningly.  

"Neil never brings friends over."  His father continued, ignoring him.  

"And you wonder why..." Neil replied sarcastically.  "Let's get out of here, Ethan."

And we left his father in the office, looking rather out out.  

"Sorry you had to see that."  Neil said once we had rounded a corner.  "My father is crazy.  A genius, yes, but absolutely insane."

"Insane?"  I repeated.  "He doesn't seem that bad."

"You'll see.  Give it time."  Neil turned to go.  "Oh, yeah." He turned back around.  "You can come stay at one of our houses this summer.  We could hang out."

"Yeah." I agreed.  "I'll keep it in mind."

We parted, going opposite ways.