This morning, everyone was in high spirits.  So high, in fact, that when Taki tripped and sent his breakfast flying into the face of a sophomore, both guys just laughed it off.  

"Sorry man."  Taki said, slapping him on the shoulder.  

 

"No problem.  I mean, I was just about to wash my clothes anyway."

"Yeah."  Taki waved his hand in front of his nose.  "You better hurry up and get that taken care of before everyone here dies from the smell."  He laughed.  The sophomore didn't.  

"Are you saying I smell bad, kid?"

"Ah...um...well..."  Taki struggled for words.  

The sophomore stood up.  Taki swallowed.  "Oh no."

The sophomore threw a punch that caught Taki in the side of his face.  Taki stumbled backward, knocked into a table of juniors, and spilled food all over them. "Get him."  They cried, and all hell broke loose.

Hans and Frans and Neil and I hurried to Taki's side.  I wasn't sure what help I would be in this food and fist fight, but Hans and Frans fought with the strength of several men and Neil was a master at various martial arts.  I kind of just stood there, in the midst of the fray, as everyone fought against everyone else.  Taki and his blunders seemed to have been forgotten.  It was each man for himself.  

"I'll protect you, Ethan."  Cole ran across the room just in time to get in the way of an incoming foot.   

"If anyone's going to be protecting Ethan,"  Taki shouted above the din, round kicking a senior.  "It's going to be me."  

"But I am his chauvinist."  

"I'm a black belt in Karate."

"Shut up both of you."   Neil interjected, stepping in front of me and throwing a charging student to the ground.  I stared on in awe.  "Taki, see the group in sweats over there."  He pointed to five boys roughly fifteen feet away.  "Flank left."

Taki saluted him.  "Got it."

"Hans and Frans?" 

The twins looked up from giving some jock a bloody nose.  "Yes?"

"Take that group head on."  

They nodded and followed Taki.  

"Ethan."  Neil turned to me.  

I felt a flicker of fear.  Would he send me out like the others?  I was too young to die!

"Let's get out of here."  He held out a hand.

Relief washed over me, and I smiled.  "Yeah."

I was just about to grab his hand when there was a loud bang.  Adam had thrown open the doors to the dining hall, and his angelic face had an expression so harsh that I was afraid that those blazing blue eyes would give me nightmares for months.  Butterfly and Damien stood two steps behind him on either side like bodyguards and looked just as menacing.  

"What is going on here?"  Adam shouted, though he didn't need to, everyone had frozen in place at his entrance and nobody seemed to want to move, let alone punch someone.  Wait, I take that back.  In the silence of the room, you could still hear Hans and Frans delivering the finishing blow to some guy in the back.  

Adam pointed a finger at the nearest person, a nerdy junior.  "Explain."

"Some freshman--"  The junior began, his voice trembling.  

"Ethan."  Adam interrupted.  "Was it you?"

What was I supposed to do?  I could tell the truth and say that it wasn't me, but then Adam would surely demand that I tell him who the real culprit.  I wouldn't betray my friends, but did that mean that I had to take the blame?

"It was me."  Neil said before I could answer.  "It was my fault."

Adam shook his head sadly.  "Come with me, Cornelius.  You too, Ethan."

Cole stepped forward.  "Allow me to accept Ethan's punishment."  He said.  "I owe him my life."

Adam chuckled mirthlessly.  "Don't be so pathetic." He said softly.  "All of you,"  He addressed the boys in the room.  "Clean up this mess.  Make it spotless.  I want this room so clean that I could eat in it."

He left, and Damien and Butterfly escorted Neil and me out after him.  

Our punishment?  Monopoly in room 222.  Adam won.  

This morning, I made plans with my grandmother to stay at her condo in Florida this summer.  It was sort of like a vacation, but I would get a job and not have to worry about running into Evan, like I would if I went home.  I would also be able to see some of my friends from school, because I'm sure that they all have houses down there.  I'm not quite sure how everything regarding my disguise as a boy will work out, but I'm sure that will all come to me in time.  

Around lunch time, I was taking care of Adam's sheep.  They followed me across their paddock, which was right by the horses day pasture and stable.  They were like lost puppies and were so cute that had to feed them the raspberries I had planned on eating with my lunch.  They couldn't fit them in their mouth, so I ended up with sticky, red hands.  I went over to the stable for water to wash it off, and I was just in time to hear a passionate confession of truest love to none other that Edmund.

I peered though the leaves of a conveniently placed bush and watched.

"I thought maybe you didn't get the flowers and the letter."  A pretty girl in a Saint Catherine's uniform was saying, her face as red as those mashed up raspberries.  "And so...I...um...wanted to...ah...see you."   She looked down at her shoes.  "I wanted to make sure that you read the letter."  She added, very fast.  

"I'm sorry."  Edmund said emotionlessly, pushing his glasses up the ridges of his nose.  "But I got rid of those things.  I'm allergic."

"Oh...I'm sorry."  The girl turned an even darker shade of red.  "I...ah....didn't know.  I'll...send you something else--"

"Don't bother."  Edmund turned his back to her.  "I'm leaving."  And he walked coldly off.

The girl began to cry.

I stepped out of the bushes.  "What a jerk."  I said loudly in the direction of Edmund's retreating back.  

The girl sniffed and looked up at me.  "You heard?"

"I'm sorry." I said.  "I couldn't help overhearing."

The girl, unexpectedly, smiled.  "I guess it's better this way."  She sighed.  "I've been in love with Edmund for my whole life, even though he always treats me coolly and distantly."  She forced a laugh.  "I don't know why I'm even telling you this."

I smiled, and was struck by a sudden idea.  "Let's make Edmund fall in love with you."  

"What?"

"I bet we can do it.   I'm his friend.  I'll just casually suggest to him that he should go out with you."

"Would you really do that?"

"Of course.  And I'll work on him in the summer.  Maybe, by next year, you'll have him as your devoted slave."  

A genuine smile lit up the girl's--later to be known as Ava's-- face.  "That sounds wonderful."  

And the plan began.

"So whatever happened to Evelia?" Neil asked Adam at lunch. It was reminiscing time.

"I"m not sure." Adam put a hand on his chin. "Right now, I think she's Boris's whore."

"That's nice. It's good to see that the members of our little group became such respectable members of society."

"You fancied her, didn't you?" Adam teased. "It's a good thing that I stole her away from you. You wouldn't want to be dating someone like her, would you?"

Neil didn't answer right away. I took it for a tacit "yes."

"What about your father?" Adam asked. "Is he still insane?"

"More than ever. We went to China last summer to train. Let me tell you, the Buddhist temples might me cool, until your father starts shouting forms for you to do, 'Leopard! Dragon! Praying Mantis!' I wish Grandfather's insanity hadn't been genetic."

"Speaking of insane, how's Catie?"

"You mean Ishtar?" Neil groaned. "Every since we got back from visiting Ur a few years ago, she's been impossible."

"Impossible?" I asked.

"You try having a little sister who thinks she's an reincarnated goddess." Neil sighed. "When I visited over break, she asked if I had brought her back any sacrifices. Not presents. Sacrifices."

"Did you have any?"

"Of course." Neil laughed. "I had to buy a set of gold chalices from some ancient artifact dealer. Being a good brother is hard." He sighed again.

"Excuse me." I interjected. "I'm a little lost here. How do you two know each other?"

"Our fathers went to school together." Neil said.

"And we have villas in the south of France only a mile apart." Adam added.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." Neil said. "Is that butler still working at your place?"

"The one who called you 'that darling young master'?"

"And you 'the arrogant crybaby'?"

"If you want to bring that up," Adam began with an all-too-familiar glint in his blue eyes. "I do remember when one of the maids called you chubby."

"Hey." Neil pointed his fork at Adam threateningly. "That was puppy fat."

"Yeah, right. I bet you still have a little belly. And a double chin!"

"I don't have a double chin!" Neil stood up. "Look." He pointed to the area in question. "It's well defined. And as for belly fat..." He proceeded to strip off his shirt. "Feast your eyes upon this."

Why were guys always taking their clothes off around me? Was I just a magnet for weird situations?

"I think I see some chub." Adam said, critically examining Neil abs.

"Liar."

"Really. I think I see some chub." He pinched Neil's side, taking some skin between his fingers. "Yep. Definitely some poundage. Are you cheating on your diet, Mr. Fatty?"

"Shut up, crybaby pervert."

"Fatty."

"Neil, you're not fat." I told him. "Really, your as touchy as a girl about your weight."

"He just used to be fat." Adam explained to me in a whisper behind his hand. "See look."

Adam took a picture out of his wallet, and I got a glimpse of a stout Neil, probably at age six. "So cute." I said. "I just want to pinch his cheeks off."

Neil grabbed the photo and ripped it up. "There. Evidence is gone."

Adam and I were laughing so hard when the bell rang that we were late to class, trying to recover from the after effects of Neil as a six-year-old.

"Why are there sheep in my bed?" 

"Oh, Neil."  I said, putting down my book.  "You're back."

"Why are there sheep in my bed?"  He repeated.  

"Adam dumped them here."  I explained.  "Apparently, their pen is being built outside, but there was no place to put them."

"So their in my bed?"  He said, raising his voice slightly.

"Shhhh."  I put a finger to my lips.  "You'll wake them up."

"Do you know how many germs farms animals carry?"

"Less than a keyboard?"  I guessed.

"Right."  Neil said, setting down the grocery bags.  I had thought he was getting snacks, but the bags fell away away, revealing two giant containers of Germ-X.  "But they're still dirty.  And sleeping in my bed."

"Would you rather it was a girl?"  Adam asked from the doorway.  

Neil turned around and looked at him.  "What are you doing here?"

Adam leaned against the door frame like he'd be standing there for a while.  "Now, Cornelius, is that any way to treat a childhood friend?"

"My bad."  Neil laughed.  "I just forgot."  He walked over to the door and he and Adam did a long  complex handshake, finishing with a man hug at the end.  I looked on in total awe.

"You,"  I pointed to each of them, "were childhood friends?"

"Yeah."  They said together.  

"I can't believe this..."  I muttered to myself.  "Adam,"  I said louder.  "Are you here to take the sheep?"

"Yes.  And, Neil, the only place I could think to put them was in little Ethan's room.  I hope you don't mind."

"You know that I hate excessive bacteria."

"Well, don't threaten little Ethan."  Adam winked at me.  I had to resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him.  "It was my idea. Mea culpa."  

When Latin works its way into the conversation, I make it my signal to leave.  Thanks to Adam's exculpation, I no longer had to worry about explaining to Neil why two lambs named after historic rulers were in our room.  I got up and left for dinner.  

Alex and I, bored of cafeteria food and trying desperately to escape Cole, decided to take a cab over to the town and eat out.  We were sitting at the table, talking about guys, when two boys came over.  

"Hey, we have some extra bowling tickets."  One said, fanning out the purple card stock tickets.   "Would you ladies like to join us?"

Alex seemed not to care about being a putative girl, and was for going with them, but I stood up, slamming my hand on the table.  

"Are you hitting on us?"  

"Yeah, I guess so."  They replied.

"We're guys."  I stated.

"No way!"  One of the boys exclaimed.  "There is no way."

"Yeah."  Said the other.  "Prove it."

Alex proceeded to drop his pants and stood in the middle of the restaurant with nothing on his lower half for about ten seconds, during which I averted my eyes and the boys gaped.  A waitress told he he had to leave, but some how, Alex convinced her that, since the rule was technically 'no shirt, no service,' that having no pants could not be included.  

"OK."  The boys who had been hitting on us said.  "You're guys."

I thanked Alex profusely when we left.  Alex told me it was his pleasure.  I'm still not sure whether he was joking or not.  

Lakewood Academy's real sheep in the midst

This evening, as I stepped into room 222, I came face to face with two lambs.  I squeezed inside and found Adam, smiling tranquilly, his arms held out with the palms up.  The sheep scampered and skidded across the floor to him and hid behind his legs.  

"Adam,"  I began.  "Why are there two sheep in here?"

Adam lowered his arms.  "Don't you think that they provide just the right environment here?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I tried to creep closer to the sheep, but they ran from me, staying by Adam's side.  I guess that even animals are attracted to hot guys.  "Do they have names?"

"The white one is Genghis Khan and the light brown one is Tiberius."

"So they're both boys?"

"Girls actually.  I think giving them manly names will help them become strong and independent women.  There's grain in the bucket over there."  He pointed.  "You can probably catch them with that."

I did, and the little sheep seemed to recognize me as different and let me into their herd.  I guess sheep are smarter than I thought after all.  

"I can't believe you lost a girl competition to a boy."  Evan sneered.  "I guess it goes to show how truly unfeminine you really are."

"And I can't believe that your public opinion wouldn't drop if I posted these pictures online."  I took out half a dozen 4 x 6s and waved them in front of his face.

"Give me those."  He demanded.

"Say please."  I growled.  There was no way in hell that I would simply hand over such wonderful blackmail.  These pictures alone give me a feeling of immense power, so much that I wanted to burst into an insane, supervillian laugh.  I stopped myself and fanned myself with the pictures.  

"Please."  Evan said it like a threat.

I gave them to him, and Evan promptly ripped them into little pieces, which scattered on the floor.  

"Why are you still smiling?" he asked, looking back at me.

"I've got them saved on my laptop, Adam's Mac, and several random school computers."

"You're a bitch."  

"Tell me something I don't know."  I forced another smile to my lip and walked off.  

As soon as I rounded a corner, someone began clapping.  "Very good."  The Second Violin applauded, wearing his jester mask and holding his violin case.  "You handled that quite nicely."

"Really?"

"Indeed so.  I was worried something had happened to you.  You haven't come to play with me in a while."  

"Ahh...well..." I began.

"It doesn't matter."  The Second Violin said sarcastically.  "So many times have the great men of our past been pushed aside.  They could hardly care if one student, no matter how competent, forswears the magnum opus and moves to something more important, like studying.  Knowing vectors and geometry and sesquipedalian phrases are far more important that mere music."

"Now you're making me feel guilty."

"That was most definitely the point."  

So that was how I ended up on the rooftop, playing a Bach duet with the Second Violin.  

"What do you do in your free time?" I asked him when we were done.

"I practice."

"Besides that."  

He shrugged.  "Sometimes I ride horses."

"Is that it?"

"Mostly."  He sighed.  "You'll find that there is very little time in life to worry about things like sports and money and grades.  I just do what I enjoy the most."

"So playing Bach on the rooftop with the only girl at an all-boys' school is up there in your list of favorite things?"

He laughed. "Actually I prefer Mendelssohn."

Backstage was a nerve wracking, terrifying place.  Even with Alex by my side, explaining that if anyone was going to be accused of being a girl it would be him, I thought that this would be the end of my days at Lakewood.  Dressed in another of the dresses that Adam had had made for me, I feared the worst.  Guys couldn't all be this oblivious.

"You'll be fine."  Alex soothed, straightening the hem on his own dress (he had no qualms about cross dressing.)  "Everyone looks like a girl here.  And, even if they did figure it out--"  

The door opened, cutting him off, and a pretty girl entered the room.  

After a moment, I realized that the the pretty girl was actually my ex-boyfriend, and I had to concentrate on holding in my dinner.  Even the sight of the totally gorgeous rock star made me sick.  

"You again?"  I said sourly.  "I never thought you would be a cross dresser."

"You're one to talk, Ethan."  Evan tossed his wig over his shoulder.  "And, just so you know, I didn't have a choice in any of this.  Some bastard mixed up all the events."

Alex smiled.  "That would be Adam."  He explained.

"What?" I turned to my friend.  "Adam the contriving is the reason that He's in a dress?"

But no one had time to answer, for the intercom buzzed on, calling the participants in the Ladies Department to the stage. 

I glared at Evan as he breezed past us, and I heard the many screams and shouts from the girls.  Apparently, they liked men with guts.

But I knew better.  Evan was only doing this so he could beat me.  There would be no end to the torture if He looked more like a girl then me.  

"Ready?"  Alex asked.  We walked out together, giggling like schoolgirls, forced smiles fixed onto our faces.

"And the contestants from dorm two and three have quite the advantage."  A commentator said from some unknown vantage point.  "They really do look like girls.  O God."  (Alex had just blown a kiss to the audience.)  "This will probably the toughest decision for the judges all night."

I closed my eyes.  The lights were blinding.  "The winner will be announced later.  Thank you, ladies."

Evan flipped the announcer off and left the stage.  

"The next event is the Commoner's Clothing, an event in which the price of the clothing is limited to fifty dollars.  Can these rich boys do it?"  The commentator said as we returned to the backstage room.   I changed out of the dress quickly, took off all the makeup and dressed in a Lakewood sweatshirt and jeans.  Alex left, Evan had disappeared, and I went to the back of the auditorium, where my friends waited, Taki nursing a bloody nose.  

"Not again?" I asked, but handed him a Kleenex (I was always prepared) and looked at the stage.  "What's next?"  

"Science Fiction and Fantasy, followed by Classic Halloween and the Kings Competition."  Edmund answered, and he was right.  The Zachs came on the stage in full DragonBall Z attire, along with Galahad, who had clearly tried to accurately portray Legolas.  Other people dressed like Anikin Skywalker, Spock, and Harry Potter.

Then came Classic Halloween, where people wore things ranging from white sheets to giant pumpkins to ninja outfits.  Neil emerged wearing a high collared black cape and dark, 18th century clothes.  His rapier at his side and red contacts covering the perfect blue of his eyes, he made a perfect vampire, even by Twilight standards.  He gracefully walked to the center of the stage, his tall boots making hardly a sound, and stood with the other competitors.  Screams from the girls in the audience threatened to overwhelm my eardrums, but I clapped my hands over my ears and wished I could applaud like the rest.  

The Kings Competition was last, right before the awards.  The costumes were superb, and I recognized Henry VIII, Elvis, Tutankhamen, and Montezuma.

"Fictional character, King Lear, you are out."  

The disappointed Shakespearean king left the stage, to be replaced by Julius Cesar, otherwise known as Adam.

He wore, not the traditional toga, but Roman leather armor and a red cape.  He held a helmet under his arms and his studded gladiator shoes gave Neil's boots a run for their money.  Adam beamed at the screaming girls, winked at a few, and won the competition.  They didn't need to announce it.  

His prize, a kiss from Saint Catherine's Queen, Adam refused.  Alex, bathing in the glory of wining the Ladies Department, and Taki, who had placed in casual attire, were suffocating me with their happiness (because who wouldn't want to get out of a final exam?), so I returned to my dorm.

Neil hadn't bothered to undress.  After they announced him as winner, I was pretty sure he had come to our room, but finding him relaxing in his bed, still in that vampire outfit, was a shock.  He looked way to hot to be allowed.

So when I walked into the room and saw him, I turned a color of red not far from what Taki often looked like, and pretended to read, sneaking occasional glances at the guy who should have played Edward in the Twilight movies.  

The following is a text message conversation between Xoi and I.  

Xoi:  What's up?

Me: Nothing much.  I made it to the finals in the Ladies Dept.  

Xoi: Dude, it would have been really depressing if you hadn't, since you are one.  Is the final competition tonight @ Lakewood?

Me: Yeah.  It's also the same for the girls, right?  Aren't you coming over here for the last round?

Xoi: Yep.  I can't wait to see Adam.  The Kings Competition didn't have preliminaries, did it?

Me:  Nope.  I have no idea who he's going as.

Xoi:  So did anything interesting happen when you were in a dress?

Me:  Taki got a nosebleed and everyone either gaped or looked away.  I having a feeling that the boys will end up trying to dress me like a girl so they can pretend that they have some female interaction.

Xoi: Wow.

Me: I know.

Xoi: Guess what?

Me: I refuse.

Xoi: I'll tell you anyway.  I won the lounge wear event last night.

Me: OMG! That's great!  

Xoi:  I guess I look totally sexy in sweats.  

Me: You know it! GTG.  Adam's calling me to get ready.

Xoi: Good Luck!

Neil entered the dorm room at about this time, looking a little upset.  

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It seems that I've been removed from the semi casual.  This here--"  He held up a sheet of paper, "says that I'm now in Classic Halloween.''

"Is that like ghosts and witches?"  

"I guess so."  Neil set the paper on his bed.

"What are you going to do?"

"He thought for a moment, then a small smile crept onto his lips.  "I think I know."  He said.  "It's  the girls who vote for the winner, right?"

"Yeah."  

Neil crossed over to his sword rack and took down a twisted hilt rapier.  

"Why--" I began.

"My props."  Neil cut me off.  "See you in a bit, Girl."

"Shut up!" I yelled after him as he closed the door.  Then I stood up and went to see what Adam wanted.  

I stared at the bottle in amazement. "This is really good."

Alex laughed. "I can't believe that you've never had pure pomegranate juice before." He laughed. "You look like you're in heaven."

"It's really good." I repeated.

"What's really good?" Taki dropped into the seat next to me.

"This." I showed him the bottle.

He took it from my hand and swallowed a large mouthful. "Very good." He said. Alex and I looked on in total shock.

"Is this what you call an 'indirect kiss?'" He whispered.

I nodded. "I think so." I whispered back.

Taki seemed to have understood and was blushing furiously. He held out the bottle for me to take back, but before I could, Hans (or Frans) snatched it out of his hand.

The twins finished off the bottle of pure pomegranate juice in seconds.

"Ahhh." Frans wiped his mouth.

"Good stuff." Hans tossed me back the empty bottle.

And so I realized that the so-called 'indirect kiss' is nothing more than assuaged thirst and empty bottles. On the romance scale, it was a 1.02 (because anything with hot guys has to be at least a one.)

The dress that Adam presented me with was lovely. There was no other way to put it. It was made wonderfully, simple and yet elegant. It fell to the middle of my calves and had a waist that hid any figure and was quite conservative. White heels to a of set the black dress stood below the costumed mannequin, along with a string of pearls.

"Like it?" Adam asked.

I couldn't find words to thank him. To think that he had actually done something nice! And this was outrageously nice too. I nodded my gratitude.

Adam smiled, handed me my new dress for the costume gala (it starts tomorrow and ends Saturday night), then kicked me out of the room.

I arrived at the common room and grabbed a seat with my friends.

"Hotties, behind you." Hans whispered in my ear. "Ten o'clock."

"What?"

"Saint Catherine's girls."

I turned immediately, hoping that Caroline wasn't one of them. She wasn't, but the three girls were undoubtedly beautiful and had every guy's attention. I gaped too. The Saint Catherine's uniforms were just so cute. Red plaid skirts with a white blouse, red tie and black Mary Jane's that looked great with the red knee socks. I felt a long suppressed urge bubble out of me as I thought, I want to wear a uniform like that instead of this unflattering thing.

"Earth to Ethan." Frans tapped the side of my head. "Is someone at home?"

"What?" I came back from my aww-that's-so-cute trip.

"If you don't keep your eyes in your head, they'll fall out."

"I'm not staring at them." I replied.

"Then what are you looking at?"

"The uniforms."

"Huh."

"They're so cute." I swore silently. That just slipped out. "I think they made the girls look hot." I said quickly and left as soon as possible.

There was a knock on the dorm door.  A demanding, harsh knock.  Neil got up to answer it.

"Who is it?" I asked, but he had already slipped out and closed the door behind him.  

Because the Greeks had it right this whole time, and I, like Pandora, was going to be killed by curiosity, I snuck over to the door and pressed my ear against it.  Why the secrecy?  Was Neil talking to a girl?  His girlfriend?

"You're not wanted here."  Neil was saying harshly.  Ok.  I thought.  Not his girlfriend.  

"Shut up."  Evan's voice answered.  Recap, everyone. Evan is my evil ex-boyfriend/rock star and guitarist and singer for Amethyst Drive, a recently popular boy band.  He's a total hunk, broke up with me in a song in front of hundreds, and decided, on a whim, to come to Lakewood.  

"What are you?" Evan asked.  "A guard dog?"

"I am pleased to inform you that Ethan thinks of me as a brother figure.  I'm here to make sure asses like you don't bother my friends."

"I'm here to make sure asses like yours don't get too close with my ex."  Evan shot back.  

"Are you suggesting that I'm gay or something?"

"Something like that.  You're the roommate.  Don't you know?"

That bastard! I thought.  Was he going to tell Neil my secret?  I threw open the door just as Neil hit Evan's model worthy face right in the nose.  I winced.  

"You bastard."  Evan growled from the floor.  He was one of those guys that still looked sexy with a cup of blood pouring out of their nose.  It took real skill, but I still hated him.  "You're not a brother figure."  He stood up. "I just wanted to talk with Ethan."  He said over his shoulder as he began to walk away.  

"Let's go, Ethan."  Neil said, holding open the door.  

I glanced once more at Evan's retreating back before ducking under Neil's arm and going back to my homework.